They won’t let her give them a lift, it’s driv­ing her bonkers

The China Post - - TV & COMICS -

DEAR AN­NIE: My hus­band and I are snow­birds in our late 60s. Most of our snow­bird friends are sev­eral years older. We have neigh­bors in the North and in the South and we nor­mally trade off tak­ing turns driv­ing back and forth.

Our dilemma is, we have a set of neigh­bors in our North home and one in our South home who will not let us drive them. I am an ex­cel­lent driver. ( My hus­band sel­dom drives.) Ev­ery time we plan a din­ner out, one tells us that he “loves” to drive and the other claims it hurts her back to ride in some­one else’s car. They refuse to get in our ve­hi­cle, which is a lux­ury car and quite de­pend­able.

I know this is a con­trol is­sue, but I don’t know how to han­dle it. To make up for be­ing given a ride, I have treated one cou­ple on oc­ca­sion, but the other re­fuses any of­fers. Both par­ties live across the street from us and their stub­born re­fusal is putting a damper on our get-to­geth­ers. Any ad­vice?

— Snow­bird Driver

Dear Snow­bird: Let’s be clear — your ob­jec­tion is that you can­not re­cip­ro­cate by driv­ing, and one cou­ple will not al­low you to re­cip­ro­cate in any other way. You need to dis­cuss this hon­estly with them. Tell your friends that you are un­com­fort­able not be­ing able to re­turn the fa­vor, and that they must al­low you to re­pay them in some fash­ion, per­haps treat­ing them to din­ner at a nice res­tau­rant or buy­ing them a gift card to their fa­vorite store. Your other op­tion, of course, is to drive sep­a­rately, say­ing that you pre­fer to have your own car with you ( a rea­son­able state­ment), and that you will see them when you get there.

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