Man won­ders where his re­la­tion­ship with boyfriend is head­ing

The China Post - - TV & COMICS -

DEAR AN­NIE: I’m a clean­cut, mid­dle-aged gay guy liv­ing in a mid-sized city in Florida. My part­ner of six years lives in Bos­ton. We have a great long-dis­tance re­la­tion­ship. He’s a won­der­ful man, and we love each other. We’d like to marry and live to­gether some­day.

Here’s the prob­lem: He doesn’t want to move to Florida, and I’m a bit hes­i­tant about mov­ing to Bos­ton. My part­ner has lived in Bos­ton his en­tire life and has a ton of friends there. His job, though lousy, has good ben­e­fits. But if I move there, it would be a hard­ship un­less we lived to­gether, since I’m on dis­abil­ity. And then he’d be stuck pay­ing most of the rent. I also hate big-city traf­fic and crowds. And while I don’t mind cold weather, I can­not deal with snow.

I have told my part­ner that my town has a boom­ing econ­omy and a lot of places are hir­ing. How can I con­vince him to move to Florida? Or should I move to Bos­ton?

— Florida Guy

Dear Florida: Pres­sur­ing some­one to move to a lo­ca­tion where they don’t want to be is never a good idea. Although, since win­ters in Bos­ton gen­er­ally in­clude a tremen­dous amount of snow, your part­ner may de­cide on his own that he’d like to move to a warmer lo­cale, in which case, your prob­lem is solved. Oth­er­wise, please don’t in­sist on it. And of course, there is al­ways the pos­si­bil­ity that mov­ing in to­gether would have a neg­a­tive ef­fect. Some peo­ple do bet­ter in long- dis­tance re­la­tion­ships.

Have the two of you dis­cussed all the pros and cons? Don’t be afraid to men­tion your con­cerns and talk about them in prac­ti­cal, hon­est terms. Does he un­der­stand the fi­nan­cial hard­ship mov­ing would be for you? Would he sup­port you with­out re­sent­ing it? Does he have any in­ter­est in mov­ing to Florida at a later date? Are you will­ing to wait? We hope you can work out some type of com­pro­mise, but please un­der­stand that what you have now could be the best you get.

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