Man wonders where his relationship with boyfriend is heading
DEAR ANNIE: I’m a cleancut, middle-aged gay guy living in a mid-sized city in Florida. My partner of six years lives in Boston. We have a great long-distance relationship. He’s a wonderful man, and we love each other. We’d like to marry and live together someday.
Here’s the problem: He doesn’t want to move to Florida, and I’m a bit hesitant about moving to Boston. My partner has lived in Boston his entire life and has a ton of friends there. His job, though lousy, has good benefits. But if I move there, it would be a hardship unless we lived together, since I’m on disability. And then he’d be stuck paying most of the rent. I also hate big-city traffic and crowds. And while I don’t mind cold weather, I cannot deal with snow.
I have told my partner that my town has a booming economy and a lot of places are hiring. How can I convince him to move to Florida? Or should I move to Boston?
— Florida Guy
Dear Florida: Pressuring someone to move to a location where they don’t want to be is never a good idea. Although, since winters in Boston generally include a tremendous amount of snow, your partner may decide on his own that he’d like to move to a warmer locale, in which case, your problem is solved. Otherwise, please don’t insist on it. And of course, there is always the possibility that moving in together would have a negative effect. Some people do better in long- distance relationships.
Have the two of you discussed all the pros and cons? Don’t be afraid to mention your concerns and talk about them in practical, honest terms. Does he understand the financial hardship moving would be for you? Would he support you without resenting it? Does he have any interest in moving to Florida at a later date? Are you willing to wait? We hope you can work out some type of compromise, but please understand that what you have now could be the best you get.