Lady has no qualms about par­ents liv­ing in re­tire­ment home

The China Post - - TV & COMICS -

DEAR AN­NIE: My hus­band and I are in our late 50s and have been mar­ried for 26 years. I have had the priv­i­lege of not need­ing to hold an out­side job since I mar­ried, al­low­ing me to be a stay- at- home mom and raise our kids, who are now grown and out of the house.

My hus­band and I have al­ways been care­ful with our money, eat­ing out per­haps once a month. We are easily en­ter­tained at home. His par­ents, who have now passed on, lived like pau­pers. How­ever, upon their pass­ing, they were able to dis­trib­ute a lot of their wealth to their two sons and five grand­kids. The money al­lowed us to pay off our mort­gage and buy some stocks.

My par­ents, on the other hand, have blown through re­tire­ment pay­outs and the re­verse mort­gage they took out on their home. My mom has al­ways de­manded the best, whether it is fine linens or a pair of jeans. It is be­neath her to shop at a dis­count store. I now face their fail­ing health and am an­gry about their poor fi­nan­cial plan­ning. What­ever ex­tra money my hus­band and I have came from his par­ents’ es­tate, and I agree with him that this money should not be spent on my par­ents.

Am I a bad daugh­ter not to help them fi­nan­cially? They dug their own hole. My dad won’t even file the pa­per­work for be­ing a vet­eran. Hav­ing them live with us when their money runs out is not an op­tion. My mother has tried to make me feel guilty say­ing, “Well, I got a job to pro­vide for MY mother.” Her other say­ing is “The Lord will pro­vide.” I think the Lord will pro­vide a state-run nurs­ing home. What do you say?

— Not My Par­ents’ Sav­ior

Dear Not: You do not have to use your in-laws’ money to pro­vide for your prof­li­gate par­ents. Nonethe­less, that doesn’t mean you should aban­don them al­to­gether. If Dad needs help ( or en­cour­age­ment) to fill out forms, surely you can do that for him. You might also of­fer fi­nan­cial ad­vice, help­ing them take steps to put away any re­main­ing in­come. But you are for­tu­nate that there are fa­cil­i­ties that will ac­cept and care for your par­ents when they are in­firm and run out of money, and you can visit of­ten.

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