Secret contact with old friend does not a happy hubby make
DEAR ANNIE: My wife and I recently married after having been together for 15 years. It is a second marriage for both of us. Six years ago, I discovered that she had contacted an old friend from high school through Facebook. She initially didn’t mention it to me, but then finally admitted she was meeting him for lunch to catch up on old times ( even though they barely knew each other back then). I found out this happened three times, though she only told me about two.
We argued about this several times and I believed she had stopped contacting him. I recently found out that she is still in touch with this man via her cellphone, email and Facebook. His messages to her are just a bit more flirtatious than those of a platonic friend and she seems to enjoy the attention.
Annie, my wife tells me about all of her friends except this one. She never mentions him. I love my wife, but now suspect trouble is brewing. She is on the computer first thing in the morning and late at night for hours at a time. I do not like this man and she knows it. The fact that she secretly contacts him makes me feel that she is cheating.
I know he wants to meet her for lunch again. As far as I know, she has not agreed to do so, but if she does, I’m not sure I can handle it. If this is truly a platonic friendship, why is she hiding it from me? Is this normal? I know she reads your column, so your advice would be appreciated. — Hurt and Betrayed in
Dear Hurt: If your wife is contacting another man secretly, it is a form of emotional cheating. She may have no intention of doing anything more than flirting, but hiding the conversations from you is upsetting and undermines your trust, making you suspect her motives, all of which is unhealthy for your marriage. We understand that the flirting makes her feel young and desirable, but that should be your department, not his. Please communicate these things to your wife. The two of you should clear the air and be honest about what you need from each other.