Se­cret con­tact with old friend does not a happy hubby make

The China Post - - TV & COMICS -

DEAR AN­NIE: My wife and I re­cently mar­ried af­ter hav­ing been to­gether for 15 years. It is a sec­ond mar­riage for both of us. Six years ago, I dis­cov­ered that she had con­tacted an old friend from high school through Face­book. She ini­tially didn’t men­tion it to me, but then fi­nally ad­mit­ted she was meet­ing him for lunch to catch up on old times ( even though they barely knew each other back then). I found out this hap­pened three times, though she only told me about two.

We ar­gued about this sev­eral times and I be­lieved she had stopped con­tact­ing him. I re­cently found out that she is still in touch with this man via her cell­phone, email and Face­book. His mes­sages to her are just a bit more flir­ta­tious than those of a pla­tonic friend and she seems to en­joy the at­ten­tion.

An­nie, my wife tells me about all of her friends ex­cept this one. She never men­tions him. I love my wife, but now sus­pect trou­ble is brew­ing. She is on the com­puter first thing in the morn­ing and late at night for hours at a time. I do not like this man and she knows it. The fact that she se­cretly con­tacts him makes me feel that she is cheat­ing.

I know he wants to meet her for lunch again. As far as I know, she has not agreed to do so, but if she does, I’m not sure I can han­dle it. If this is truly a pla­tonic friend­ship, why is she hid­ing it from me? Is this nor­mal? I know she reads your col­umn, so your ad­vice would be ap­pre­ci­ated. — Hurt and Be­trayed in


Dear Hurt: If your wife is con­tact­ing another man se­cretly, it is a form of emo­tional cheat­ing. She may have no in­ten­tion of do­ing any­thing more than flirt­ing, but hid­ing the con­ver­sa­tions from you is up­set­ting and un­der­mines your trust, mak­ing you sus­pect her mo­tives, all of which is un­healthy for your mar­riage. We un­der­stand that the flirt­ing makes her feel young and de­sir­able, but that should be your depart­ment, not his. Please com­mu­ni­cate these things to your wife. The two of you should clear the air and be hon­est about what you need from each other.

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