Lady feels as though living with her hubby is more like being roommates with children
DEAR ANNIE: My husband and I have been married for 24 years, and it feels like we are roommates with kids. We are opposites and always have been, but it seems as if we have fallen out of sync completely.
He has never been outgoing, whereas I am a social butterfly. Our kids have never seen us kiss, hold hands or show any other form of affection and that really bothers me. It’s not that we hide it from them — it’s that we don’t do it at all.
I know I am to blame for many of our problems as I brought a lot of baggage with me. I have apologized to my husband numerous times, but he has only once taken responsibility for his part of it. For the past 12 years, any socalled downtime he has is spent on the computer. When I try to talk to him, he stares at me and doesn’t offer any input. Every conversation is about superficial, common interests, but when it comes to deeper, more meaningful talks, he goes mute. A couple of times, I have tried to have a discussion and instead of replying, he texted me snide comments. It is so incredibly frustrating that I am starting to resent everything about him.
I have mentioned divorce, but he ignores me. I feel I am suffocating a slow, painful demise and I don’t know what to do. I want to laugh again. I want him to be happy as well. He is the father of our children and I am grateful, but at what point is it enough? Is it selfish to want to put myself first for a change? I had hoped we could part as friends, but now we’re beginning to hate each other and he doesn’t seem to care. The stress is eating at me.
— Hopeless and Confused
Dear Hopeless: Whatever baggage you brought into the marriage matters less than the current lack of communication. While there are still some men who are reluctant to discuss their feelings (and some women who are too demanding on that score), your husband’s dismissive and snarky attitude is what hurts. We understand that you are ready to throw in the towel, but please first see whether the marriage is worth saving, not only for your sake, but also for your children. Ask your doctor to refer you to a counselor and then ask your husband to go with you for at least one session. As always, if
he refuses, go without him.
DEAR ANNIE: Could I please use your column to clarify the difference between a transgender person and a cross-dresser? Most cross-dressers are neither gay nor transgender. They have no desire to become women. They just like to wear women’s clothing.
I am a 65-year-old grandfather and a cross-dresser. I have been wearing lingerie and pantyhose in private for 40 years. Only my wife and a few sales clerks know. I have occasionally gone to the grocery wearing pantyhose with shorts. It has not caused any undo attention. — A Cross-Dressing Grandfather in
Dear Denver: A transgender person is one whose gender identity does not match the one he or she was born with biologically. A cross-dresser is someone who prefers to dress in clothing of the opposite gender. Many cross-dressers are heterosexual and happily married. Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to firstname.lastname@example.org, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA, USA.