Take 10

Friday - - Contents -

Things alpha. edi­tor Nitin Nair wishes his new­born daugh­ter knew al­ready.

1 You’ve taught me why it can be un­bear­able to be around new par­ents. I have to stop my­self from talk­ing about you to ev­ery­one around me. All the time. 2No

Tara, those are not lac­tat­ing mam­mary glands. Not ev­ery­body has them. And please don’t be so mad ev­ery time this re­al­i­sa­tion dawns. 3I’m

not say­ing it’s not cute to poop all over your daddy’s hands just when he’s taken your soiled di­a­per off; I’m only say­ing – save that for your mom. 4No

one’s ever ac­cused me of be­ing soppy and sen­ti­men­tal. Not un­til you came along. 5You

will not be a Belieber. I know it’s too early for such dec­la­ra­tions but the id­iot was in town the week you were born. That should ex­plain the para­noia. 6You

smile a lot. But only while you are sleep­ing. 7You

carry the bur­den of parental ex­pec­ta­tion lightly. You are gen­er­ally a well-be­haved baby, but only un­til we say so to the peo­ple you meet. 8You

have the cutest set of dim­ples I’ve seen. Use them well in ar­gu­ments with your dad later. 9A

month ago, I didn’t know what ‘swad­dling’ meant. Now I’ve for­got­ten the mean­ing of ‘hobby’. 10Your

boyfriends will al­ways be in­tim­i­dated by me.

Nitin Nair, edi­tor,

alpha.

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