How to be a Twitter millionaire
Since entering the world of tweets and intimate breakfast details, I have sent out just five and a half tweets. The half is because I retweeted a picture first tweeted (or is the past tense of tweet twot?) by someone else.
Such reticence is not due to shyness and reluctance to tell the world what is happening in my life or how to change things for the better. After all, let’s face it, that’s the way I make a living. Nor is it, as has been suggested by people who are doubtless paying for their comment by being eaten by bears now, because I’m reluctant to write anything for which I am not paid. Why waste a good line on a tweet when I can use it in an article or column that will fetch rewards in some of the more stable currencies of the world, goes that argument.
You could put it down to laziness, of course, and that would be closer to the mark. Or to what I shall call anti-Bieber-itis. This is the compulsion that people have to tell us about every facet of their daily life, leaving aside no detail, however slight.
A typical message might be: “Got up, brushed my teeth, combed my hair, adjusted my belt and read the newspaper.” The realisation that celebrities are people who have to put on their trousers one leg at a time in the manner of mere mortals like us must strike some five or six million followers as an epiphany.
It is interesting to speculate how many followers Shakespeare might have had, or Aristotle. Justin Bieber has 41 million, so there. You have dollar millionaires, rupee millionaires, dirham millionaires and the most powerful of them all – twitter millionaires.
But do you know that you can now pay for fake followers that make your profile look good? The New York Times assures us this is so, and I am surprised it has taken so long for the cyber businessmen to fill this obvious gap. Pay a certain amount (something like $15 for 100 followers) and you can get multiples of 1,000 followers at the click of a button. Followers come naturally to stars like Bieber, but for John Smith or the man-in-the-street, they have to be paid for.
I don’t want a million followers – imagine the pressure of keeping them interested day in, day out (or hour in, hour out). But if some 5,000 of you get together to follow my pearls of wisdom, I could give you a better rate. Say $10 each, payable every Wednesday.
Tweets once delivered cannot be returned or exchanged.
Suresh Menon is a writer based in India. In his youth he set out to change the world, but later decided to leave it as it is.