Do you love grand ges­tures or are you laid-back when it comes to ro­manc­ing your part­ner? Do you keep com­par­ing your­self to oth­ers or do you like to take charge of a sit­u­a­tion? Take our quiz to find out

Friday - - Contents -

Take our love quiz to find out what kind of a ro­man­tic you are.

It’s the time of year when our thoughts turn to love, but ac­cord­ing to ex­perts, we all have a dif­fer­ent con­cept of ro­mance.

While one per­son will like noth­ing bet­ter than spend­ing Valen­tine’s Day hav­ing a cou­ple’s treat­ment at a spa, an­other will love re­ceiv­ing ex­pen­sive cuff­links or jew­ellery, and still oth­ers will want to see the lat­est movie.

‘There are many dif­fer­ent traits when we talk about ro­man­tics,’ says psy­chother­a­pist Tri­cia Wool­frey, the au­thor of 21 Ways & 21 Days to the Life You Want. ‘We might be very loved-up and touchy-feely with our part­ner, or we could be laid-back and re­laxed about ro­mance.’ So which one are you?

Grand ges­tures are your thing

You’re pas­sion­ate and your re­la­tion­ships will be in­tense and full-on. You give enor­mous bou­quets of flow­ers or a dozen heart-shaped bal­loons, and you love cud­dling your part­ner in pub­lic, says Tri­cia.

‘If you’re plan­ning a week­end away, you whisk your spe­cial per­son off to Rome or Paris to a lux­ury ho­tel,’ says Tri­cia. ‘You hold hands across the ta­ble in a restau­rant and cosy up on the sofa to watch a movie.

‘Your lan­guage is in­tense – you tell your part­ner they’re the best thing that ever hap­pened to you, or they’re the most beau­ti­ful woman or hand­some man in the world.

‘We usu­ally feel this pas­sion at the start of a re­la­tion­ship when the chem­i­cal dopamine and the plea­sure hor­mone oxy­tocin make us feel very con­nected with our part­ners.

‘If you’re the pas­sion­ate type, your part­ner will feel so good be­cause they get lots of at­ten­tion.’

Seek­ing re­as­sur­ance

You’re hap­pi­est when you get plenty of re­as­sur­ance from your part­ner about ev­ery­thing, from your shape and your clothes to the way you deal with the chil­dren and the job you do. You bask in be­ing their num­ber one pri­or­ity and you en­joy their feed­back.

When you’re out to­gether, you may com­pare your­self to other cou­ples. A woman might won­der if the other women at a party are thin­ner than her, while a man may check out the other hus­bands and de­cide he needs to work out more or wear sharper suits.

Tri­cia ex­plains: ‘This per­son may ask for feed­back about how they look. They may even say: “I look aw­ful”, in the hope they will get a com­pli­ment.

‘They can be com­pet­i­tive in other ar­eas. They of­ten want the fur­ni­ture they saw in a glossy mag­a­zine or the most friends on Face­book.’

Pre­fer to be in charge

You like your ro­mance to run like clock­work and you want to know ex­actly what’s hap­pen­ing and when be­cause it makes you feel strong and in con­trol.

You make the de­ci­sions in your re­la­tion­ship – you de­cide who your friends are, what you spend your money on and where you will go on hol­i­day.

‘If you take charge, you will hap­pily book ta­bles, plan itin­er­ar­ies for week­ends away and in­vite peo­ple to din­ner,’ says Tri­cia, ‘but you are not as happy when un­ex­pected things, such as ill­ness or hav­ing to work late, get in the way of your plans.

‘On the few oc­ca­sions you ask for help, you want the job do­ing im­me­di­ately – you

ex­pect your part­ner to be as quick off the mark as you.’

Like to please?

You’re of­ten on the look­out for things that need do­ing, and you can be heard say­ing: ‘Let me do that for you,’ or ‘Leave that with me and I’ll sort it out for you.’

You’re very oblig­ing and you like to please your part­ner and keep them happy. You’ll check their car oil and tyres reg­u­larly, or you’ll buy their favourite cup­cakes on your way home from work.

When you go out, you’ll wear the clothes you know they like and at meal­times, you’ll check if they like the food and if they’ve had enough to eat.

Tri­cia says: ‘This per­son moulds them­selves into the type of Valen­tine they think their part­ner wants. For ex­am­ple, if a lady is with a man who loves foot­ball, she’ll watch it all day with him, even though she isn’t that in­ter­ested in it.’

Go­ing with the flow

You like to take a back seat in your ro­mance and you go with the flow most of the time. You’re not keen to make de­ci­sions – you like your part­ner to tell you what’s hap­pen­ing. That way, you don’t have to take re­spon­si­bil­ity if things don’t go to plan.

You shrug or laugh off be­hav­iour you’re not happy with – you feel it’s best not to cause ar­gu­ments. Any­thing for a quiet life!

‘You don’t like to ask for what you want,’ says Tri­cia, ‘whether that’s a ta­ble for two on your birth­day or your an­niver­sary, or help with the house­work or chil­dren.

‘You see your­self as easy-go­ing, but by be­ing too laid-back you run the risk of be­ing ig­nored or taken for granted.’

To­tally self-aware

You have a strong sense of your­self and you ac­cept your part­ner for who they are, not the ideal they can be moulded into.

‘When you meet some­one for the first time, you’re open-minded and you don’t have a pre-con­ceived agenda,’ says Tri­cia.

‘You prob­lem-solve as a cou­ple. You’re not em­bar­rassed to deal with is­sues, such as money or health prob­lems, and you han­dle them with grace and tact.

‘If you hit a tricky time, you talk about how you can get your ro­mance back on track. You know when you both need to make more effort.

‘In a re­la­tion­ship, you may hold hands and you won’t feel threat­ened if your part­ner looks at other peo­ple. You en­joy events like Valen­tine’s Day and you’re re­laxed about what you do to cel­e­brate.’

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