Lori Borgman finds the funny in everyday life, writing from the heartland of the US. Now, if she could just find her car keys…
15 Our columnist Lori Borgman hopes her grandkids learn new words and discretion, preferably at the same time.
Kids are so adorable when they learn to talk. We coax sounds, words and clarity out of them, although sometimes with unexpected consequences. Recently, one of the two-year-old grands, talking more and more every day, but still working on clarity announced, ‘Mama ga a nu bwa.’
Not sure I understood her correctly, I looked at her puzzled.
She reads faces well, so she repeated the breaking news, saying, ‘Mama ga a nu bwa.’
Then she shot me a look that said, ‘Don’t make me repeat myself.’ I won’t. Believe me, I won’t. A few weeks ago, I was explaining to some of the grands why I didn’t want them to go anywhere near the paper cutter. To make my point, I told them that a guy I knew in college cut his finger on one. Of course, they immediately wanted to know all the gristly details.
I attempted to end the discussion by beginning to say the guy might have been a little du-- but caught myself. “You have to be very careful with something as dangerous as a paper cutter, and he wasn’t paying attention that day.” I silently congratulated myself on a good save.
One of the kids said, ‘Grandma, we don’t say the word dumb.’ Busted. ‘That’s good,’ I said. ‘We don’t either.’ Well, not often. ‘Yeah, but my dad said someone is the dumbest person in the world.’
‘I can’t imagine your dad saying that. It doesn’t sound like him at all.’ ‘He did. And he won’t tell me who.’ ‘Well, it’s probably because he doesn’t know the dumbest person in the world.’
‘No, Grandma, I think he does – and I think it’s someone in our family!’
Her dad has no memory of saying anything of the kind, yet the kid is convinced he did and thinks the dumbest person in the world was someone in her family. This is why we have therapists.
A couple of the grands were bouncing from house to house last weekend when their parents were out of town.
When they rotated to our house the next day, one of them walked in with cash in an envelope, handed it over and said, ‘Mom said you should take us out to lunch because you’ll probably want to get the mess out of the house.’
Once your kids are ADEPT AT TALKING, it’s like your entire life is BROADCAST on a HOT MIC. ‘Mom said you should take us out to lunch because you’ll probably want to get the mess out of the house’
Once your kids are adept at talking, it’s like your entire life is broadcast on a hot mic.
We were coming back from lunch (yes, I did want the mess out of the house) when one of the six-year-old twins said to the four-year-old, ‘Quit being so dramatic!’
There was a 20-second stretch of quiet, and then the six-year-old said, ‘Grandma, what’s dramatic?’