Lori Borgman finds the funny in ev­ery­day life, writ­ing from the heart­land of the US. Now, if she could just find her car keys…

Friday - - Contents -

15 Our colum­nist Lori Borgman hopes her grand­kids learn new words and dis­cre­tion, prefer­ably at the same time.

Kids are so adorable when they learn to talk. We coax sounds, words and clar­ity out of them, al­though some­times with un­ex­pected con­se­quences. Re­cently, one of the two-year-old grands, talk­ing more and more ev­ery day, but still work­ing on clar­ity an­nounced, ‘Mama ga a nu bwa.’

Not sure I un­der­stood her cor­rectly, I looked at her puzzled.

She reads faces well, so she re­peated the break­ing news, say­ing, ‘Mama ga a nu bwa.’

Then she shot me a look that said, ‘Don’t make me re­peat my­self.’ I won’t. Be­lieve me, I won’t. A few weeks ago, I was ex­plain­ing to some of the grands why I didn’t want them to go any­where near the pa­per cut­ter. To make my point, I told them that a guy I knew in col­lege cut his finger on one. Of course, they im­me­di­ately wanted to know all the gristly de­tails.

I at­tempted to end the dis­cus­sion by be­gin­ning to say the guy might have been a lit­tle du-- but caught my­self. “You have to be very care­ful with some­thing as dan­ger­ous as a pa­per cut­ter, and he wasn’t pay­ing at­ten­tion that day.” I silently con­grat­u­lated my­self on a good save.

One of the kids said, ‘Grandma, we don’t say the word dumb.’ Busted. ‘That’s good,’ I said. ‘We don’t ei­ther.’ Well, not of­ten. ‘Yeah, but my dad said some­one is the dumb­est per­son in the world.’

‘I can’t imag­ine your dad say­ing that. It doesn’t sound like him at all.’ ‘He did. And he won’t tell me who.’ ‘Well, it’s prob­a­bly be­cause he doesn’t know the dumb­est per­son in the world.’

‘No, Grandma, I think he does – and I think it’s some­one in our fam­ily!’

Her dad has no mem­ory of say­ing any­thing of the kind, yet the kid is con­vinced he did and thinks the dumb­est per­son in the world was some­one in her fam­ily. This is why we have ther­a­pists.

A cou­ple of the grands were bounc­ing from house to house last week­end when their par­ents were out of town.

When they ro­tated to our house the next day, one of them walked in with cash in an en­ve­lope, handed it over and said, ‘Mom said you should take us out to lunch be­cause you’ll prob­a­bly want to get the mess out of the house.’

Once your kids are ADEPT AT TALK­ING, it’s like your en­tire life is BROAD­CAST on a HOT MIC. ‘Mom said you should take us out to lunch be­cause you’ll prob­a­bly want to get the mess out of the house’

Once your kids are adept at talk­ing, it’s like your en­tire life is broad­cast on a hot mic.

We were com­ing back from lunch (yes, I did want the mess out of the house) when one of the six-year-old twins said to the four-year-old, ‘Quit be­ing so dra­matic!’

There was a 20-se­cond stretch of quiet, and then the six-year-old said, ‘Grandma, what’s dra­matic?’

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