HU­MOUR

Lori Borgman finds the funny in ev­ery­day life, writ­ing from the heartland of the US. Now, if she could just find her car keys…

Friday - - Contents -

While the rest of us fear the tooth doc­tor, our colum­nist Lori Borgman finds them sleep-in­duc­ing. Show off!

Our youngest just texted that her root canal was over and that she fell asleep in the den­tal chair. I wasn’t sur­prised. It’s a fam­ily tradition. When our chil­dren were very young and ex­haust­ing (I was ex­hausted, not them), I once went to a den­tist for a clean­ing and fell sound asleep in the chair. The den­tist had to shake my arm to wake me. It was the long­est stretch of un­in­ter­rupted sleep I’d had in months. I asked if I could come back for an­other clean­ing the next day, but he said no.

I’ve al­ways won­dered if den­tists are of­fended when pa­tients fall asleep in the chair.

I’m one of those peo­ple who be­come very eye con­scious when I go to the den­tist. Are you sup­posed to keep your eyes open or your eyes closed? It’s like those awk­ward mo­ments when you don’t know what to do with your arms and hands.

I was at the den­tist re­cently to have a fill­ing re­placed. The spot was hard to reach. When the den­tist’s hand, rest­ing on the side of my face, moved for bet­ter po­si­tion­ing, it pulled my left eye closed.

I had one eye open and one eye closed. Do you open the closed eye, or close the open eye?

I’m in the group that keeps my eyes open be­cause the den­tist and I talk. That’s right, even shot full of Novo­cain, the en­tire side of my face numb and swollen, ice packs and a large vac­uum in my mouth, I can still talk. I was telling the den­tist some­thing about one of the kids and he was try­ing to re­call what her teeth looked like. I said, ‘Yoo no-da un hoo ne­her ushed ad ahays ad good tee.’

‘Oh yes, the one who never brushed and al­ways had good teeth.’

Our den­tist is also very good at in­ter­pret­ing.

My mother was once at the hair salon when a woman fell asleep un­der a hairdryer. Sev­eral stylists tried to wake her, with no suc­cess. Some­one was on the phone with 911 when the woman fi­nally woke up.

Not long ago I was in rush-hour traf­fic when a back-up be­gan. Cars were swerv­ing around a stalled ve­hi­cle. I swerved too, looked into the stopped car and saw the driver with his head back and his eyes closed. An­other driver threw his car into park, jumped out, knocked on the car win­dow and the man woke with a start.

Maybe sit­ting down for more than five min­utes is so rare that our eye­lids au­to­mat­i­cally slam shut these days and we start to snooze.

Den­tists prob­a­bly aren’t even aware of whether pa­tients have their eyes open or closed, or if they have one eye open and one eye closed. All that re­ally mat­ters is that den­tists keep their eyes open. And get a good night’s sleep be­fore us­ing that drill.

I once went to a den­tist for a CLEAN­ING and fell ASLEEP in the chair. It was the long­est stretch of un­in­ter­rupted sleep I’d had in months. I asked if I could COME BACK for an­other clean­ing the next day, but he said NO

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