One look at a woman’s handbag and our columnist Lori Borgman will tell you her personality type.
Lori Borgman finds funny in everyday life, writing from the heartland of the US. Now, if she could just find her car keys...
My husband will tell you that I probably own somewhere in the neighbourhood of 452 purses, one for each day of the year and four for every major holiday, including Eat Over the Kitchen Sink Day.
I actually own four purses – a roomy brown shoulder bag (soon due for retirement), a trendy, itsy bitsy black wallet purse (what a joke), a beige clutch (sleek and sophisticated, but entirely ridiculous for a grandmother of nine), and a straw purse with dragonflies on it that my dad insisted on buying the year before he died (the sides have collapsed, but it has priceless sentimental value.)
Why does my husband believe I own a myriad of purses? I let him. A while back, we were in a department store and I stopped to look at purses on sale.
‘So, do you buy a purse every week?’ he quipped. Sharp stuff coming from a guy who frequently asks if I have room in my purse for his car keys, breath mints, telephoto camera lens, the charging cord to his cellphone and his running shoes.
You would think he never heard of the old cliché, ‘Never bite the handbag that totes you.’
Being that he made a comment so clearly deserving of harassment, when we are ready to go somewhere, I now say things like, ‘I can’t leave until I move things from my Wednesday purse to my Thursday purse.’ He suspects I’m joking, but he’s not entirely sure. He’s an observant man; it’s just that purses are not among the things he observes. What a shame. A true pity. Men should pay close attention to purses, because you can learn a lot about a woman by the handbag she carries.
A female who carries one of those tiny purses no bigger than a slice of bread is packing nothing more than one lip gloss, a tube of mascara, one credit card and a driver’s licence.She is also usually very young, very thin and very rich. I don’t like her. ( Just kidding.)
Women who carry mid-sized shoulder bags are light years beyond that minimalist thing. Their purses are pack horses for the entire family. They are packing coupons, over-the-counter meds for headaches and allergies,
A FEMALE who carries one of those TINY PURSES no bigger than a slice of BREAD is usually VERY YOUNG, very thin and VERY RICH. I don’t like her. (Just kidding.)
sunblock, manicure supplies, antibacterial hand gel, saltines wrapped in cellophane and dried fruit snacks.
A woman with an enormous purse resembling a backpack or bowling bag is one of three types. She is either a woman with a baby, trying to disguise the fact it is actually a diaper bag, packing diapers, towelettes and plastic toys, or she is a grandmother who simply needs room for all those 8x10s she carries of the grandkids, or she is a woman for whom the phrase ‘travel light’ has no meaning.
To know a purse is to know a woman.