Ad­vice from the best in the UAE.

Ad­vice on re­la­tion­ships, well-be­ing and ed­u­ca­tion

Friday - - Contents -

Q I love my hus­band and he feels the same, but in re­cent times the ‘spark’ seems to have gone out of our re­la­tion­ship. We both work and things seem so mun­dane, it feels like we rarely have con­ver­sa­tions these days. How do I re­cap­ture ear­lier hap­pier times?

ALife can some­times feel like a tread­mill; we hardly have time to breathe, let alone in­vest time to nur­ture re­la­tion­ships.

I think that it is a great sign that you’ve taken the time to email us for ad­vice. It shows you know you need to ring the changes. I know for sure that your is­sue will res­onate with many other cou­ples.

It’s easy to feel that there is sim­ply no time to sit down and talk things through, but the sim­ple an­swer is you just have to take con­trol and make time. Rarely are things so im­por­tant that they can’t wait a day or two, so I sug­gest you ask some­one to look af­ter the chil­dren and plan some­thing fun and ex­cit­ing for you and your hus­band to en­joy. I use the word ex­cit­ing, be­cause that’s what you need to kick-start things into a new phase.

Many cou­ples in your sit­u­a­tion opt to go down the can­dle-lit din­ner route to rekin­dle things a lit­tle, but I feel do­ing some­thing com­pletely dif­fer­ent to­gether, some­thing that’s fun and not overly fo­cused on ob­vi­ous ro­mance, al­lows you to laugh and chat and fire up those lines of com­mu­ni­ca­tion again.

And good com­mu­ni­ca­tion is most def­i­nitely the glue that sticks re­la­tion­ships to­gether, so hav­ing the space to re­con­nect and de­velop a plan that will al­low you to main­tain that new con­nec­tion is vi­tal.

En­gag­ing in mean­ing­ful com­mu­ni­ca­tion is so im­por­tant. By mean­ing­ful I mean tak­ing the time to put aside dis­trac­tions and lis­ten to what your part­ner is say­ing.

You can ini­ti­ate this process, which can feel a lit­tle clunky or false, but stick with it and see if you can build in time ev­ery day, when the kids have gone to bed, to just chat and en­joy each other’s com­pany.

Of course, this will re­quire the com­mit­ment of both of you, so openly talk­ing about it with your hus­band is a wise idea, rather than try­ing to en­gi­neer it. It’s has to be some­thing you both buy into.

Show­ing affection is also the bedrock of a strong re­la­tion­ship. Tak­ing the time to say nice things to each other, be­ing en­cour­ag­ing and re­spect­ful and those lit­tle touches that make the other per­son feel loved can all fade without ef­fort. So, make the ef­fort. Pos­i­tive re­la­tion­ships, no mat­ter who they are with, re­quire each per­son to put in equal amounts of ef­fort; they to be worked on all the time. Not in an oner­ous way, but in a way which oils the wheels, so the ride is much smoother.

RUS­SELL HEM­MINGS is a life coach, and clin­i­cal and cog­ni­tive be­havioural hyp­nother­a­pist

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