Our columnist Lori Borgman votes for driv­ing to be in the wed­ding vows. No, not up-the-wall kind.

Lori Borgman finds the funny in every­day life, writ­ing from the heart­land of the US. Now, if she could just find her car keys…

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On oc­ca­sion, I may make use of an imag­i­nary brake pedal on my pas­sen­ger side of the car. If the hus­band is too close to the ve­hi­cle in front of us, I in­stinc­tively hit my imag­i­nary brake. If I think he is go­ing too fast, I slam on my imag­i­nary brake.

A lot of cou­ples have driv­ing is­sues. This is never cov­ered in pre­mar­i­tal coun­selling, but it should be. It might even be ad­dressed in the wed­ding vows.

‘Do you take this man for bet­ter or worse, richer or poorer, in sick­ness and in health, and be­hind the wheel of the car?’

We are not alone here. Not to name names, but my sis­ter-in-law Deb­bie is a, well, let’s just say if you and Deb­bie were to leave Point A at the same time, she would get to Point B first.

She also drives as the crow flies in park­ing lots. She’ll be the one cut­ting across the lot, com­ing at you in the cor­ner of your blind spot. She is a won­der­ful per­son and she and my brother are hap­pily mar­ried, al­though he has nick­named her Di­ag­o­nal Deb­bie.

We all do what we must to ac­com­mo­date one an­other’s quirks and idio­syn­cra­sies in the car and not con­stantly harp and crit­i­cize. For some of us, it is us­ing an imag­i­nary brake.

Now, af­ter all these years, I am think­ing of switch­ing out my imag­i­nary brake for an imag­i­nary ac­cel­er­a­tor.

All of a sud­den, the hus­band has done a ma­jor U-turn and is driv­ing dif­fer­ently. S.L.O.W.L.Y. The man who some­times used to drive as if we were be­ing chased has ap­par­ently de­cided to slow down to smell the roses. Or the ex­haust.

‘Look at that tree,’ he says, slow­ing from 40 to 30 mph to a crawl.

‘You mean that 100 year-old-oak that has been there as long as we have lived here?’

We re­cently fol­lowed one of our daugh­ters and I sug­gested that we speed up or we would lose her. ‘Where is she?’ ‘She’s that tiny dot way up ahead.’ ‘The speed limit is only 30,’ he says. ‘And you’re go­ing 29.’ We have now lost our daugh­ter whose car has dis­ap­peared over the hori­zon. I hit my imag­i­nary ac­cel­er­a­tor. No good. We are still go­ing 29.

I prof­fer that go­ing too slow is as great a road hazard as go­ing too fast.

He men­tions that a woman tail­gated

A lot of COU­PLES have driv­ing IS­SUES. This is NEVER cov­ered in pre-mar­i­tal COUN­SELLING, but it should be. It might even be AD­DRESSED in the wed­ding VOWS.

him last week in a hurry to switch lanes, which she fi­nally did, but when both lanes stopped for a red light, he was four cars ahead of her.

We know a woman who learned to knit so she could oc­cupy her­self in­stead of crit­i­cis­ing her hus­band’s driv­ing. The hus­band claims that if I’d learned to knit when we were first mar­ried, I could have made scarves, hats and sweaters for the en­tire free world. He’s such a kid­der.

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