Our columnist Lori Borgman votes for driving to be in the wedding vows. No, not up-the-wall kind.
Lori Borgman finds the funny in everyday life, writing from the heartland of the US. Now, if she could just find her car keys…
On occasion, I may make use of an imaginary brake pedal on my passenger side of the car. If the husband is too close to the vehicle in front of us, I instinctively hit my imaginary brake. If I think he is going too fast, I slam on my imaginary brake.
A lot of couples have driving issues. This is never covered in premarital counselling, but it should be. It might even be addressed in the wedding vows.
‘Do you take this man for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, and behind the wheel of the car?’
We are not alone here. Not to name names, but my sister-in-law Debbie is a, well, let’s just say if you and Debbie were to leave Point A at the same time, she would get to Point B first.
She also drives as the crow flies in parking lots. She’ll be the one cutting across the lot, coming at you in the corner of your blind spot. She is a wonderful person and she and my brother are happily married, although he has nicknamed her Diagonal Debbie.
We all do what we must to accommodate one another’s quirks and idiosyncrasies in the car and not constantly harp and criticize. For some of us, it is using an imaginary brake.
Now, after all these years, I am thinking of switching out my imaginary brake for an imaginary accelerator.
All of a sudden, the husband has done a major U-turn and is driving differently. S.L.O.W.L.Y. The man who sometimes used to drive as if we were being chased has apparently decided to slow down to smell the roses. Or the exhaust.
‘Look at that tree,’ he says, slowing from 40 to 30 mph to a crawl.
‘You mean that 100 year-old-oak that has been there as long as we have lived here?’
We recently followed one of our daughters and I suggested that we speed up or we would lose her. ‘Where is she?’ ‘She’s that tiny dot way up ahead.’ ‘The speed limit is only 30,’ he says. ‘And you’re going 29.’ We have now lost our daughter whose car has disappeared over the horizon. I hit my imaginary accelerator. No good. We are still going 29.
I proffer that going too slow is as great a road hazard as going too fast.
He mentions that a woman tailgated
A lot of COUPLES have driving ISSUES. This is NEVER covered in pre-marital COUNSELLING, but it should be. It might even be ADDRESSED in the wedding VOWS.
him last week in a hurry to switch lanes, which she finally did, but when both lanes stopped for a red light, he was four cars ahead of her.
We know a woman who learned to knit so she could occupy herself instead of criticising her husband’s driving. The husband claims that if I’d learned to knit when we were first married, I could have made scarves, hats and sweaters for the entire free world. He’s such a kidder.