Do we stop making friends after a certain age?

It’s said that as we grow older it gets tougher to make new friends. Some even believe that our best (and last) friendships are formed in high school, and if we’re lucky, then during university days. Once we get a job, it’s downhill when it comes to forging new bonds. Do you feel so, too? Is there a certain age or stage in life when we consciously or otherwise stop making new friends? Often, I keep going back to the words of a friend from college — ‘When people settle down there are not many real-life situations that crop up, especially of the sorts you can share and bond over.’ Is that why friendships get tricky beyond a certain age?

No wonder, friendships in adulthood intrigue me. Just like any other expat in Dubai, I lived in a friendless zone for a while. I’d tell my ‘friends’ over Skype how making new friends seemed like a chore. It required me to start from scratch — familiarising the ‘new’ people with my kind of weekend activities, hobbies, favourite foods, et al. Plus, adults are both quick to judge and cynical — so I was careful about how much to disclose in the first few meetings. And it goes without saying that keeping the guard up and forming friendships don’t go hand in hand.

Four years later, do I have friends in this foreign land? Yes, I do. It required me to go beyond small talk, initiate plans, and stay patient. I’ve befriended a neighbour — we smile at each other in the elevator, we know each other’s work timings, and she makes lovely Pad Thai. I am also a member of

Four years later, do I have friends in this foreign land? Yes, I do. It required me to go beyond small talk, initiate plans, and stay patient.

various poetry and writing meetups — I meet these friends once a month. They fit well in my creative friend zone. Add to it — I have friends, with whom I do theatre. We spend weeks together, both rehearsing and having a good time. We bid each other goodbye — until we schedule our next production.

Then there are gatherings with colleagues, husband’s colleagues, and occasional parties where everyone is invited. Fortunately, in the list there a few friends with whom I ‘clicked instantly’.

We enjoy each other’s company. My friends keep me socially occupied and happy. With some I’ve crossed the judgment barrier, too. I’d say I’ve done a good job in building my circle. Yet, our conversations do lack a certain sparkle. I miss starting to narrate a tale from the hostel days and let someone else complete it for me. Perhaps, with time, my new friends and I would be able to fill in the blanks. And we’d no longer be transient friends. Of course, I’d to work hard. For during my growing up years, there were designated time slots for nurturing friendships (think: play dates, birthdays, college trips, canteen time). Things are quite different now. Most of us have jobs, children, vacations, and need me-time.

Yes, the situation is tricky, but then I refuse to accept that my time for making ‘forever’ friends is up. Plus, research backs up my faith — we replace half our close friends every seven years, even into our 60s! I have time in hand and am willing to work towards forming a few friendships that I will not replace.