I’ve recently got engaged to the man I’ve been going out with for the past three years, so why is it that I can’t stop thinking about my first boyfriend?
I haven’t seen him for seven years and, even when we were together, I don’t think I really loved him.
I’ve tried to concentrate on my fiance, but my ex is still there in the back of my mind. What’s wrong with me and why can’t I forget about him? CC A first love often leaves lasting memories and I don’t think anybody ever completely KATE HUDSON AND NICK JONAS WERE SAID TO BE FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS AT ONE STAGE Two years ago I separated from my boyfriend when his drinking and beatings became too much for me to handle.
Now he’s got in touch apologising for how he used to be and promising me he’s changed. He says he wants me back, but he’s said that before.
I’ve just started a new relationship and am not sure I want to give up on it, but I still have feelings for my ex and wonder if I should give him another chance. I’m so confused. Is it possible he’s changed? GI Whilst someone with an aggressive drinking problem can change, it’s not usually without help.
Do you know if he’s had any form of therapy or counselling?
I can’t know whether he has changed, forgets. You’ve just committed yourself to marrying someone, so perhaps it’s not surprising your mind is reviewing past relationships to reassure yourself you’re doing the right thing.
Rather than fight these memories, see them for what they are — parts of your past that will always be with you and any more than you can, but if he has made and broken promises to you in the past, I do know he’s capable of doing so again.
You need to think this through carefully. You have a new relationship opening up to you, but it seems you’re still prepared to risk everything by returning to an ex-boyfriend who has hurt and damaged you in the past.
My fear is that, like a lot of abusive men, he still has some sort of control over you.
What do you really gain by returning to your ex?
Think about that and also think about what you stand to lose, because only when you’ve thought through all that can you make the right decision for you. which have made you the person you are today.
Once you can accept this, I am sure you’ll soon be able to stop worrying and start looking forward to making your wedding plans. 53