Fiona

Belfast Telegraph - Weekend - - WEEKEND TV -

For the past five months I’ve been see­ing a guy who I only get to­gether with at week­ends and then only if he can fit me into his busy sched­ule.

If I ring him, he has al­ways got some­thing else to do, but when he calls me I am sup­posed to change my plans so we can be to­gether.

If we go out to­gether, it’s usu­ally with a crowd, then he comes back to my place to make love, but he’s usu­ally gone be­fore I wake up the fol­low­ing morn­ing.

There’s never a chance to talk and, when I’ve tried, he says he doesn’t want a heavy re­la­tion­ship. I don’t know how long I can cope with be­ing treated like this and won­der if he’s just us­ing me? GS If it suited you to have a sex­ual re­la­tion­ship with no ties, I’d say it was per­fect, but it’s clear it’s not. You talk about “mak­ing love”, but it sounds like, for him, it’s just easy, con­ve­nient sex.

He’s re­luc­tant to talk when you call him, rushes you into bed rather than lis­tens to you and his not want­ing a “heavy re­la­tion­ship” in­di­cates a re­luc­tance to avoid any form of com­mit­ment.

For the sake of your self-re­spect, this can’t go on. Even if com­mit­ment is never go­ing to hap­pen, this doesn’t ex­cuse him from com­mon kind­ness and re­spect.

If you like him enough to give him a chance, then at his next visit don’t go straight to sex, but ex­plain that you are feel­ing a bit used.

Whilst you may not ex­pect dec­la­ra­tions of undy­ing love from him, tell him you would at least like some mea­sure of re­spect.

If he wants to go on see­ing you, he should be will­ing to be a bit more car­ing. If he’s not pre­pared to change, you need to con­sider whether this re­la­tion­ship is right for you.

Per­son­ally, I’d show him the door.

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