Carol McGiffin: The Way I See It
THEWAY ISEEIT... Wisewords fromourfeisty, fearless andfunny columnist
‘Asurvey has revealed the simple pleasures that make Brits happy. It’s a list of 20 clichés that most people would struggle to disagree with. But fear not, because I’m here, and I do have a problem with them!
So, at number one is… ‘a kiss and a cuddle’. OK, but it really depends who or what it’s coming from, doesn’t it? Getting a kiss and cuddle from a hungry grizzly bear wouldn’t exactly cheer me up. In the second spot is ‘ laughing with others’. No, laughing at others, now that’s much more fun! In at number three is ‘clean sheets’. Of course – who wouldn’t want clean sheets? But only if they’ve been put on the bed by someone else, because the palaver of getting them on there wears me out and puts me in a right grump. Number four? ‘Stroking a pet’. Not if you have a pet porcupine though, eh?
At five is ‘getting a bargain’. No, a bargain is only a bargain if you needed it in the first place, which you never do. So, buying something you don’t need will just leave you broke and depressed. Six is ‘receiving a compliment’. Mmm. Not if it’s from a woman about your weight loss. Because you know that if a woman says, ‘ You look great but you’re too thin,’ what she’s really saying is, ‘ You look amazing and I wish I did, too!’ And, finally, at seven, it’s ‘finding money’. Yes, OK – but 10p won’t do it, it’s got to be a suitcase full of fifties!’