Carol McGif­fin: The Way I See It

THEWAY ISEEIT... Wise­words fro­mour­feisty, fear­less and­funny colum­nist

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‘Asur­vey has re­vealed the sim­ple plea­sures that make Brits happy. It’s a list of 20 clichés that most peo­ple would strug­gle to dis­agree with. But fear not, be­cause I’m here, and I do have a prob­lem with them!

So, at num­ber one is… ‘a kiss and a cud­dle’. OK, but it re­ally de­pends who or what it’s com­ing from, doesn’t it? Get­ting a kiss and cud­dle from a hun­gry griz­zly bear wouldn’t ex­actly cheer me up. In the sec­ond spot is ‘ laugh­ing with oth­ers’. No, laugh­ing at oth­ers, now that’s much more fun! In at num­ber three is ‘clean sheets’. Of course – who wouldn’t want clean sheets? But only if they’ve been put on the bed by some­one else, be­cause the palaver of get­ting them on there wears me out and puts me in a right grump. Num­ber four? ‘Stroking a pet’. Not if you have a pet por­cu­pine though, eh?

At five is ‘get­ting a bar­gain’. No, a bar­gain is only a bar­gain if you needed it in the first place, which you never do. So, buy­ing some­thing you don’t need will just leave you broke and de­pressed. Six is ‘re­ceiv­ing a com­pli­ment’. Mmm. Not if it’s from a woman about your weight loss. Be­cause you know that if a woman says, ‘ You look great but you’re too thin,’ what she’s re­ally say­ing is, ‘ You look amaz­ing and I wish I did, too!’ And, fi­nally, at seven, it’s ‘find­ing money’. Yes, OK – but 10p won’t do it, it’s got to be a suit­case full of fifties!’

PET PEEVE

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