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● For advice or support, contact the Farming Community Network helpline on 03000 111999. It’s open 7am-11pm, seven days a week A POPULAR Welsh TV presenter has spoken with raw honesty about the bout of depression that brought him to the brink of suicide.
Alun Elidyr, who fronts S4C’s Ffermio series, said he lay in bed one night wondering whether to end his inner turmoil by leaping into a river that runs through his farm at Rhydymain, Dolgellau.
He opened up about his illness to support a Dolgellau Hospital initiative that supports men with mental health issues, in particular farmers.
“The more I have spoken to people about this, the more I have realised they don’t know where to turn for help,” he said.
The trigger for Alun’s depression was his mother’s death in November 2014. After driving up from his family home in Talybont, Ceredigion, he found 90-year-old Annie Mary Edwards dead at the foot of the stairs at Cae Coch farmhouse. She was still warm.
“I usually get up at 7am and I can be at the farm by 8am,” he said.
“But that morning I decided to join the family for breakfast, so I was late getting there. I blamed myself. Perhaps it wouldn’t have made any difference, but I felt I should have been there for her.
“That triggered a feeling of worthlessness. I didn’t see any purpose in carrying on. I’d been looking after her for many years on the farm so I didn’t know what to do anymore.”
In 1997 Alun put a successful acting career on hold to fulfil his late father’s wish to carry on the 735-acre farm and look after his family.
At the time he was a well-known face on S4C. Eight years later he returned to the channel as part of Ffermio’s presenting team, juggling it with the demands of farming, travelling and family life.
It was an arduous balancing act, and the first cracks appeared in the aftermath of the 2013 snow crisis. His mother’s death in 2014 was followed by a wet winter, when even the simplest farming job loomed as large as the mountains surrounding Cae Coch.
“By the January I wanted to sell the place,” he admitted. “I realised I had been farming for a long time to please everyone else, not myself. It created space for a lot of bad thoughts.
“I was still working, and I remember filming a piece at Nant y Arian (near Aberystwyth) and leaving thinking I couldn’t carry with the daily grind any more. I did consider leaving the (Ffermio) presenting team, though thankfully it never came to that.
“One night I lay in bed, at 2am, listening to the rain coming down and hearing the roar of the river which runs about 400 yards from the farmhouse. I wondered if it wouldn’t be easier to jump in, that everything would then be so much simpler.”
Fortunately Alun shared his thoughts with his partner, Catrin. She persuaded him to see his GP where he learned he had depression – the first step on the road to recovery.
“It was from that point I started talking about my feelings which, in the end, saved me,” he said.
“At last I could give a name to my condition, and use that as a tool to tackle it. I hadn’t been eating, I wasn’t sleeping. I was plagued by jumpiness and nerves.
“I was exhausted and had no energy. I thought that perhaps it was cancer – until then, I hadn’t realised how much your mind can influence your physical condition.”
A neighbour helped out with menial tasks on the farm and a visiting silage contractor confessed his own depression and how to deal with it, but Alun was left feeling vulnerable.
He said: “When a vet calls at the farm, he or she often phones the next day to ask how the cow, for example, is progressing.
“However there was no follow-up for me. It was if I had dropped off the radar. I was given anti-depressants and, while they helped me to sleep, I felt the after-effects the next morning. It dulled the stress but also the good things too. I felt flat.”
Alun, 57, took control and weaned himself off the drugs after six months. But the more he spoke to people, the more he realised that help was out there: it was simply not sign-posted properly.
“I don’t want to preach – what worked for me may not work for others – but medical help is available for those who need it,” he said.
“We just need to raise the profile of what’s available and, thanks to the team at Dolgellau Hospital, and others, I pleased to see this is now happening.”
Over the past year Dolgellau Hospital’s outpatient department has developed a Health Promotion Hub for men. This is now focusing on men who experience mental health issues, farmers in particular.
Staff nurse Anne Thomas said: “Having made links with the farming community, we were aware it was difficult for farmers to find support when it was most needed. Our research told us there was a need for accessible and confidential help.”
Backing the initiative are third sector agencies such as the Men’s Sheds charity and the Farming Community Network (FCN).
FCN posters, leaflets and helpline cards are being distributed to the farming community via Rural Crime Team officers, veterinary practices, Post Office colleges and local businesses.
The initiative is also being backed by Gwynedd Council, Dolgellau Town Council, NFU Cymru and the FUW.
Huw Jones, of FUW Meirionnydd, said that with farming on the cusp of major change, and the uncertainty this brings, services such as those offered by Dolgellau Hospital were more important than ever.
“Farming can be a lonely and isolated job for many, but there is always someone prepared to listen, to talk,” he said. “Farmers need to realise that they are not alone.”
Alun Elidyr is still farming his sheep and Welsh Black cattle, and still copresenting Ffermio.
But getting back on an even keel wasn’t easy: Cae Coch went without Basic Payments and Glastir income for two years while Alun re-established himself as a sole trader.
The Welsh Government, he said, was very supportive – but he was left with a large tax bill, having spent nothing on the farm to offset his liabilities. He was delighted to be asked to support the Dolgellau healthcare initiative.
“I read somewhere that 40% of all patients visiting their GPs do so with mental health issues,” he said.
“However 40% of the budgets aren’t allocated to this area – there’s a huge mismatch. Being in a high profile position meant it wasn’t easy to know how to handle my condition, but I’ve realised I now can use it to do something about an issue that isn’t going away.”