Things you don’t want to hear; other people’s mistakes; of questionable benefit
Ten questions heard on a recent boating trip: Should that be dripping? Innocently asked by granddaughter as she was helping with the steering and noticed bubbling stream coming from header tank. Where’s your cap? Too busy engaged in conversation to notice overhanging branch rapidly approaching, Skipper lost headgear. It hung provocatively over the canal as he executed complex manoeuvre to retrieve it. Did we just pass a winding hole? Desperate for a pump-out and having plotted appropriate course to nearest boatyard with required facility, again granddaughter’s innocent question came as we ploughed along. What’s that pong? Obviously the toilet. See last question. Where’s the dog? Having a dog on board usually means that you take it home with you, and not leave it on the bank with the shopping. Why aren’t we moving? Weeds round the propeller. Takes ages and ages and ages and ages to clear. Can I smell gas? Definitely not. Hang on a minute.... Why are my feet getting wet? Something came adrift in the night – thank goodness, it’s water! Have you got the windlass? Well, who did the last lock? Inquisition follows. ( It was me.) Where’s the other mooring pin? Or, why is the boat at right angles to the bank?
Time to go home and call it a day...
BRIDGET YATES, via email
Where’s the dog?