Beware of Captain Calamity causing chaos on the cut
What a great life this boating lark is, just risen from my sack, sun is high in the sky so another beautiful day awaits, I switch off the generator, if I don’t run it all night my fridge stops and the beer gets warm.
After mooring for 3 or 4 weeks at this spot, with its handy water tap right outside I decide it’s time to move on. Besides the smell from the carrier bags I stored in the hedge bottom is spoiling my lunchtime refreshment break.
I am lucky enough to have as bow-thruster that works well, so with a good long burst my home is in the centre of the canal in no time at all and I’m away. I marvel at the rainbow of colour on the water that follows me everywhere. I often think how pretty the designs are as my empty drink cans leave these magical colours on the cut, as far as the eye can see.
I am soon on my way to the next mooring, people are so kind at locks, even when my friends visit and we sit on the roof with a few tinnies other people seem to operate the paddles and gates with no need of our assistance, although it’s sometimes hard to see them through my exhaust smoke. This makes me realise why it’s pointless changing the oil as I generally put a fresh litre in a week.
I often observe people dancing on the lock-side dancing to my music from the ghetto blaster positioned handily on the roof, those twin 12in speakers certainly punch some good decibels as I play Guns and Roses or my favourite Def Leppard tracks. I wish I could hear what they are shouting as we leave the lock with our magnificent bow wave washing up either side of the canal.
It is good to show your boating skills as you overtake other boats going in the same direction, never sure which side to pass but a good old blast on the horn is often given as a signal for me to barge past.
I respect my engine and never take it over 3,500 revs: you can see the appreciation on the other boaters faces as they wave frantically at me (at least I think they’re waving) as I pass their moored craft. It is not very long before I spy another superb mooring spot, and I cannot understand why no one else is moored there. Soon my mobile home is moored, once again I have a handy water tap just outside the galley window.
I like to moor early in the afternoon so I have time to set up my sturdy generator, chairs, barbecue, workmate, etc.
It is round about now I let my two dogs ( Fender and Cratch) loose for a good run along the towpath, sometime they are gone for an hour or more, but a good healthy run is what they need and it gets them off the boat. I then settle down with a few cans and admire the iridescent colours around the cans I have lobbed into the water.
Often when I am relaxing watching boats pass by I wonder what the little coloured square pieces of paper are that adorn the stern windows of these craft, are they disabled mooring permits or perhaps they are members of some exclusive club?
Who knows, anyway let’s turn up the volume, relax and enjoy this great life, I hope one day to bump into you and make some more friends. Yours in deep water,
Thankfully our canal community is more civilised that Bob Inalong suggests...and we enjoyed his tongue in cheek observations!