FUZZ TOWNSHEND

Classic Car Weekly (UK) - - News Analysis -

n CCW’s Work­shop guru

So now that Brexit is upon us, what ex­actly will it mean for us clas­sic car own­ers and users? Well, if I could tell you that with any con­fi­dence, it’d prob­a­bly be worth me run­ning for prime min­is­ter, as it ap­pears no one has any idea what the blazes is go­ing on.

For­get the whingers and weirdos at either ex­tremes of the sit­u­a­tion, we have an­cient crocks to drive. So in this, my first for­tune telling col­umn, here are my pre­dic­tions of clas­sic motoring life out­side the Euro­pean Union.

We may even­tu­ally find our cars land­locked, un­able to be driven across the Euro­pean con­ti­nent on fab­u­lous hol­i­day trips and tours, ban­ished by ever more strin­gent leg­is­la­tion, in­tended to keep the world breath­ing be­cause our lovely old cars caused the prob­lem in the first place. Cough.

Citroëns, Peu­geots, Toy­otas, Nis­sans, BMWs, Volk­wa­gens and Audis etc, will be forcibly ex­ported, leav­ing us with Fords and Vaux­halls, proper Bri­tish cars. The prices of Arm­strong-Sid­de­leys, Tri­umphs and Mor­rises will soar as a re­sult, apart from the Mor­ris Isis, of course, all ex­am­ples of which will be painted orange and sent to a small, in­hos­pitable is­land.

Left-hand drive ve­hi­cles will be manda­to­rily con­verted to proper right-and drive and power-as­sisted steer­ing will be out­lawed. The only trans­mis­sions per­mit­ted will be man­ual, ex­cept in ex­cep­tional cir­cum­stances, when pre-select gear­boxes will be ac­cept­able with a per­mit.

Con­vert­ible cars will not be al­lowed to be driven with roofs up. Raised roofs are for park­ing only, to en­sure that your chi­nos... wait a minute, they’re il­le­gal too... your plus-fours re­main dry in the seat area. Fly­ing jack­ets and gog­gles will be de rigeur.

All sun­roofs are to be boarded over. We don’t do sun­shine here.

Odome­ters will read only in miles per hour. All ref­er­ence to kilo­me­tres on in­stru­ments will be painted out.

All mod­ern cars cur­rently in use will be com­pul­so­rily re-badged, so we can look for­ward to Hill­man 330d and Austin A4 mod­els, un­til we get around to knock­ing our own up again.

Fun aside, I don’t much care which way you voted. Let’s just get along and be truly Bri­tish – po­lite, help­ful, wel­com­ing, friendly and ap­pre­cia­tive of the great re­gard peo­ple all over the world have for this place we call home.

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