n CCW’s Workshop guru
So now that Brexit is upon us, what exactly will it mean for us classic car owners and users? Well, if I could tell you that with any confidence, it’d probably be worth me running for prime minister, as it appears no one has any idea what the blazes is going on.
Forget the whingers and weirdos at either extremes of the situation, we have ancient crocks to drive. So in this, my first fortune telling column, here are my predictions of classic motoring life outside the European Union.
We may eventually find our cars landlocked, unable to be driven across the European continent on fabulous holiday trips and tours, banished by ever more stringent legislation, intended to keep the world breathing because our lovely old cars caused the problem in the first place. Cough.
Citroëns, Peugeots, Toyotas, Nissans, BMWs, Volkwagens and Audis etc, will be forcibly exported, leaving us with Fords and Vauxhalls, proper British cars. The prices of Armstrong-Siddeleys, Triumphs and Morrises will soar as a result, apart from the Morris Isis, of course, all examples of which will be painted orange and sent to a small, inhospitable island.
Left-hand drive vehicles will be mandatorily converted to proper right-and drive and power-assisted steering will be outlawed. The only transmissions permitted will be manual, except in exceptional circumstances, when pre-select gearboxes will be acceptable with a permit.
Convertible cars will not be allowed to be driven with roofs up. Raised roofs are for parking only, to ensure that your chinos... wait a minute, they’re illegal too... your plus-fours remain dry in the seat area. Flying jackets and goggles will be de rigeur.
All sunroofs are to be boarded over. We don’t do sunshine here.
Odometers will read only in miles per hour. All reference to kilometres on instruments will be painted out.
All modern cars currently in use will be compulsorily re-badged, so we can look forward to Hillman 330d and Austin A4 models, until we get around to knocking our own up again.
Fun aside, I don’t much care which way you voted. Let’s just get along and be truly British – polite, helpful, welcoming, friendly and appreciative of the great regard people all over the world have for this place we call home.