It’s time to say goodbye to Project Tango
Some words of warning – the following Our Cars update contains a screeching U-turn, rank hypocrisy on my part and a whole host of broken promises. And the blame lies squarely with the output of a Stockport brewery, a man called Kevin Moore, and a grubby 34-year-old magazine.
First, I must confess that I’d bought the BMW at least in part with a view to doing some grass-roots motor sport. I wanted to prove to you all that a £600 BMW was all you needed to do things like sprints and the MSA’S new Targa rallies, and that once I’d sorted its various issues I’d turn up regularly in these pages going sideways. Or backwards into a ditch.
However, a chance meeting with the MSA’S Kevin Moore at January’s Autosport show tipped a bucket of cold water on my plans. Nothing wrong in principle, but if I were to enter these exciting tests of rallying agility the low-nosed 318is was a non-starter. Rear-wheel drive was actually a disadvantage unless you had a very short wheelbase (think Mazda MX-5), and the majority of the competition would be front-drive hot hatches.
Not long afterwards, Practical Classics’ Matt George and I went out for a drink. Somewhere between a pint of Robinson’s Trooper and a scuzzy heavy metal nightclub, Matt mentioned his hankering for an E34 5-series but complained about a dearth on the market.
After some shameless trumpeting of its virtues, while glossing over various electrical issues, the 318is went – verbally at least – up for sale. After a quick testdrive on the day its MOT test expired, Matt was sold on the E36.
So, my New Year’s resolutions lie in tatters. But what to replace it with? Kevin’s advice about hot hatches kept rattling around my mind.
Then I picked up a 1983 copy of our former sister publication The Motor at Race Retro’s autojumble, featuring an interview with British car design legend Richard Oakes. This being 1983, the demise of the sports car in the face of hot-hatch opposition was a topic of major debate, but Oakes was sanguine, pointing out that it’s the car’s abilities, not its body style, that makes it sporty.
Having binged on Eighties mags, my next car has to be a hot hatch from the decade of my birth. But prices have all gone crazy and they’re now out of reach.
Or are they? Come back next month. You may be in for a pleasant surprise…