MANAGING MISMATCHED SEXUAL FANTASIES
If your partner suggests trying something between the sheets that’s out of your comfort zone, what should you do? Emma advises that communication is key
Adult play, which sex A is a major part of, is pretty much the most fun that two consenting people can have, and sex is great for boosting self-esteem and reducing stress. But at times, no matter how much you fancy your man, you may find yourself mismatched in your sexual games or fantasies.
I can remember once asking a guy to talk dirty to me during sex and, instead of it turning him on, it caused him performance anxiety and ruined the moment completely. That’s why figuring out what works for you sexually is so important in healthy relationships – and it can change.
Discussing sexual fantasies should absolutely be on the agenda for you and your man and, even if you are years into your relationship, this shouldn’t dissuade you from broaching the subject of any desires that you have in the bedroom. You would be amazed at how many couples stop having sex because they feel utterly bored with the same routine and that comes down to one thing; poor communication.
Opening a conversation about sexual satisfaction can feel scary, especially if you feel that your particular desires are kinkier than his, but how else are you going to inject that va-va voom into your sex life? Getting real about what you want also gives him permission to do the same, and the chances are he will have a fair few of his own ideas.
Of course, occasionally, something one of you fancies trying simply won’t be the other’s cup of tea. Some of us love being spanked or tied up, but others find such antics offputting, so be clear with each other about what turns you on or off, as this really counts in the bedroom.
The rule to fantastic sex lies in both parties feeling safe and respected and that means never feeling pressured into taking part in any sexual activity that makes you uncomfortable.
So while it is healthy to try out things that may feel a little risqué, it is an absolute no-no to feel forced into a sexual situation that you really don’t like. It is far better to know your boundaries, as sex should always feel mutually satisfying – and that can only happen when both parties feel happy.