MAN­AG­ING MIS­MATCHED SEX­UAL FAN­TASIES

If your part­ner sug­gests try­ing some­thing be­tween the sheets that’s out of your com­fort zone, what should you do? Emma ad­vises that com­mu­ni­ca­tion is key

Closer (UK) - - Wellbeing -

Adult play, which sex A is a ma­jor part of, is pretty much the most fun that two con­sent­ing peo­ple can have, and sex is great for boost­ing self-es­teem and re­duc­ing stress. But at times, no mat­ter how much you fancy your man, you may find your­self mis­matched in your sex­ual games or fan­tasies.

I can re­mem­ber once ask­ing a guy to talk dirty to me dur­ing sex and, in­stead of it turn­ing him on, it caused him per­for­mance anx­i­ety and ru­ined the mo­ment com­pletely. That’s why fig­ur­ing out what works for you sex­u­ally is so im­por­tant in healthy re­la­tion­ships – and it can change.

GET­TING REAL

Dis­cussing sex­ual fan­tasies should ab­so­lutely be on the agenda for you and your man and, even if you are years into your re­la­tion­ship, this shouldn’t dis­suade you from broach­ing the sub­ject of any de­sires that you have in the bed­room. You would be amazed at how many cou­ples stop hav­ing sex be­cause they feel ut­terly bored with the same rou­tine and that comes down to one thing; poor com­mu­ni­ca­tion.

Open­ing a con­ver­sa­tion about sex­ual sat­is­fac­tion can feel scary, es­pe­cially if you feel that your par­tic­u­lar de­sires are kinkier than his, but how else are you go­ing to in­ject that va-va voom into your sex life? Get­ting real about what you want also gives him per­mis­sion to do the same, and the chances are he will have a fair few of his own ideas.

Of course, oc­ca­sion­ally, some­thing one of you fan­cies try­ing sim­ply won’t be the other’s cup of tea. Some of us love be­ing spanked or tied up, but oth­ers find such an­tics off­putting, so be clear with each other about what turns you on or off, as this re­ally counts in the bed­room.

NO PRES­SURE

The rule to fan­tas­tic sex lies in both par­ties feel­ing safe and re­spected and that means never feel­ing pres­sured into tak­ing part in any sex­ual ac­tiv­ity that makes you un­com­fort­able.

So while it is healthy to try out things that may feel a lit­tle risqué, it is an ab­so­lute no-no to feel forced into a sex­ual sit­u­a­tion that you re­ally don’t like. It is far bet­ter to know your bound­aries, as sex should al­ways feel mu­tu­ally sat­is­fy­ing – and that can only hap­pen when both par­ties feel happy.

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