How do I break it to my grandmother that I’m getting married to another man? You’re a chap, I take it? Oh, for Pete’s sake— don’t patronise her because she’s crumbling. Think what the old bird has lived through: Stephens Tennant, Spender and Fry; Georges Michael, Boy and Gilbert-&-; the fabulous Bunny Rogers, who, when asked how his war went, replied: ‘My dear! The noise, the smell! The people!’ The Queen wrote condolences to Peter Pears after Benjamin Britten died, oh, way back. Your grandmother won’t need anything broken to her—she’ll probably think ‘How drearily conventional’.