Ring-a-ding-ding

Country Life Every Week - - Town & Country Notebook -

QI have a hor­ri­ble feel­ing that my boyfriend is go­ing to pro­pose. He’s a lovely chap, but I’m fairly sure he’s not the one. How can I avoid the sit­u­a­tion com­pletely—or, if worst comes to worst, turn him down?

E. S., Devon

AI can’t be­lieve what I’m hear­ing! The poor man. And you say, al­beit with tow­er­ing con­de­scen­sion, that he’s a ‘lovely chap’? Fair cru­elty, have you the faintest no­tion what you are putting him through? Gear­ing up to pro­pose is cru­ci­fy­ingly trau­matic for a fel­low—far worse than it is for the dead­lier of the species—with all the swerv­ing through the chi­canes of jew­ellers and pa­ter­nal horse­whips, not to men­tion the de­ri­sion of his bach­e­lor friends. Who do you think you are—tu­ran­dot?

Send me his ad­dress—he’s at a pre­mium and I have a long wait­ing list. Re­ally, I do feel some­times that the pen­du­lum has swung too far. Much more of this at­ti­tude and you’ll find that ‘the one’ has dwin­dled to ‘the none’. You’re hor­rid. Go away.

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