How to… marshal a time trial
If you’re a member of a traditional club, unless you’re a very skilled shirker you will inevitably be forced to marshal at a time trial.
This is an age-old cycling activity, so you should do your best to enjoy it. You’ll get issued with a day-glo vest, and a time and a location at which to marshal. The time will be calculated on the assumption that the first rider in the event will ride at approximately 200kph, so you’ll have plenty of time to realise you should have worn your long underwear and a warmer jacket.
When the first rider arrives, point in the appropriate direction. If possible, try to strike a pose that’s not so officious that innocent passers-by start obeying your instructions as well. Repeat for each subsequent rider.
Observe that while the average gap between riders should be one minute, time trial relativity works just as well for marshals as for riders, and the effective gaps are better measured in aeons.
This will give you lavish opportunity for spotting interesting bits of litter in the verge, praying for the heat death of the universe and answering enquiries from motorists who will stop to ask what is going on. In general, the motorists will attempt to either block or run over riders to do this.
Finally, note that since there will always be some non-starters, you’ll never know when all the riders have passed, so it’s best to stand there until it’s dark. Unless you’re marshalling a 24hr event, in which case you need to stand there forever.