Daily Mail

I told off a noisy disabled boy and I’m not ashamed

After this woman was vilified for telling a disabled girl to be quiet on a flight, TESS STIMSON dares admit...

- by Tess Stimson

THE racket rivalled that of fingers scraping a blackboard for nerve-shredding ability. My friend Sara and I had suffered in silence, frustratio­n mounting, for more than 40 minutes.

But when I had to lean across the restaurant table for the tenth time to ask what she had just said to me, my patience snapped. ‘Will you stop that?’ I hissed at the table next to us.

The boy of about eight or nine who had been banging his spoon incessantl­y — his parents and their friends apparently oblivious — instantly put it down, looking rather startled.

But before Sara and I could resume our conversati­on, the child’s mother had pushed back her chair and stormed over, incandesce­nt.

‘My son is disabled,’ she shouted, pushing her face aggressive­ly into mine. ‘ He has special needs.’

‘I’m sorry,’ I said, ‘but that noise was driving me insane.’

‘He’s in a wheelchair,’ she continued, volume heightened for maximum attention. ‘You have no right to talk to him like that.’

I must admit I hadn’t noticed the wheelchair and did feel a pang of guilt. But he did appear to know perfectly well what he was doing.

His mother continued: ‘ My husband’s had a bad day. We came here for a nice lunch and you’ve ruined it.’

I refrained from telling her I had just returned from having buried my father, so my day hadn’t exactly been going too well either.

Nor did I mention my three children, aged 22, 19 and 14, the youngest of whom has had diabetes since the age of six, requiring much-loathed insulin injections every time she eats — and that never once has this lead to bad behaviour in a restaurant.

‘Single women like you are disgusting,’ the woman sneered, oblivious to my wedding ring. ‘ If you had children, you’d understand.’

Some parents may well ‘understand’ this indignant mother. After all, criticisin­g another’s offspring, however anti- social their behaviour, has become a taboo in our child- centric society. Particular­ly if the child has ‘special needs’, be that anything from ADHD to a broken leg.

I was reminded of this incident last week when a woman was publicly shamed for admonishin­g an eight-year- old disabled girl on a flight from Ibiza to Manchester.

The girl had apparently been having a ‘meltdown’ when the woman told her parents to ‘shut that child up!’.

APHOTOGRAP­H of the woman was posted all over social media, along with an open letter from the child’s parents, describing the ‘verbal abuse’ the woman allegedly levelled at them and their daughter, who was later hospitalis­ed with a seizure.

Naturally, I sympathise deeply with the parents of any disabled child. Perhaps the woman could have handled things better — though without hearing her side of the story it’s difficult to know. But did she deserve vilificati­on by a social media lynch mob who likened her to a Nazi?

No wonder no one dares open their mouth any more. We are all so scared of putting a foot wrong and being pilloried publicly.

Meanwhile, children run amok and their lazy parents either can’t or won’t discipline them because it’s hard work enforcing rules.

After I told off the little boy who had been banging his spoon, several diners stopped by my table and said: ‘Well done. I wish I’d said something.’ So it’s not just me who recognises it’s a parent’s duty to raise polite, civilised human beings.

That means disciplini­ng a child who refuses to obey behavioura­l boundaries. And uncomforta­ble though it might be to admit, this applies even if a child is disabled.

They have the right to be treated like able-bodied children and that includes being discipline­d when they misbehave. of course some allowances should be made, but only up to a point. Enough with the kid gloves. The right of an autistic child to stand in front of a cinema screen and block everyone’s view, as happened to a friend recently, doesn’t trump the rights of everyone else to enjoy the film they’ve paid to see. I am the eldest of three children and my parents brought us up to be ‘seen and not heard’.

I was a little more relaxed with my own three children, in keeping with my generation, but I certainly taught them how to behave properly in public. Playing up has never been tolerated. Even when my daughter was diagnosed with diabetes, we never let go of discipline. Her sugar spikes and drops played havoc with her mood, but we taught her right from the start that having diabetes didn’t excuse tantrums.

By the time she was eight, she was discreetly giving herself insulin shots out of sight beneath a restaurant tablecloth.

When you go out somewhere nice to eat — I’m not talking McDonald’s here — you should be able to enjoy your meal in peace. If someone can’t control their child, they should leave them at home with a babysitter. I’m not suggesting we all go round yelling abuse at each other’s children, but sometimes a firm, sharp word from a stranger can be far more effective than yet another empty threat from an overwhelme­d parent. I remember once in church, my son, then five, was repeatedly kicking the pew in front. I was nursing my baby daughter and had my hands full, so hadn’t noticed. An older woman turned round and told my son, quietly but firmly, to sit still. He froze, shocked, and didn’t move a muscle for the rest of the service. Afterwards, I thanked her, grateful she’d stepped in. I certainly didn’t snap her photo and plaster it all over Facebook. Perhaps our parents’ generation was too strict. I’ve never been in favour of corporal punishment and have only ever smacked a tiny hand if it was in danger of touching a hot stove. BUT these days, the pendulum has swung too far the other way. Children shouldn’t have the same rights and privileges as adults. They’re human beings in training, learning how to behave.

Yet too may parents put them at the centre of the universe and let them get away with murder. And god help anyone who dares to criticise the little darlings.

I’ve sat through my fair share of weddings and concerts ruined by a screaming baby whose parents seem to think that we should all bear the brunt of raising the next generation.

If you’re able to step outside with your screeching infant, then you owe it to the rest of us to do so. Even those of us who have children and sympathise are probably enjoying a hard-won break from our own offspring and certainly don’t want to be subjected to yours.

Teachers frequently complain that youngsters are dumped in their classrooms with no idea how to behave like civilised human beings, albeit young ones.

They don’t have time to teach the three rs because they’re too busy trying to get the little yobs to sit still.

Frankly, it’s a slap in the face to those of us who have put in the time and trouble to raise our children properly.

If you want to let your offspring run riot at home, that’s your right. Just as it’s my right to speak up and tick them off the next time they kick the back of my seat on a plane or shatter the peace at dinner.

 ?? Picture: FACEBOOK/ NICOLA COLENSO ??
Picture: FACEBOOK/ NICOLA COLENSO

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