Help! I’ve got to 50 with no close friends
NOVELIST, grandmother of four and ex-Blue Peter presenter Janet ellis, 61, answers your questions . . .
QSINCE turning 50, I’ve begun to realise just how few close friends I have.
My social network has dwindled over the years, as people have moved away or started their own families and lost touch.
I’m happily married, but we have never had children, and the loneliness is really getting to me now. I’ve tried making new friends at work, but with little success.
I can’t believe I’ve got to this point in my life, and feel at such a loss. What can I do?
AThere’s nothing like reaching an age with a zero at the end of it to make you take stock. And 50 is a significant birthday.
even if you haven’t set yourself any particular goals, acknowledging that you’re more than halfway ( ouch) and that certain things are out of reach (who wants to train to be an astronaut, anyway?) is tricky.
It’s inevitable that you evaluate what’s in your life. You’ve likely been reflecting on your career, and you’ve obviously given some thought to your marriage.
You’re doing well with both, but if you choose to measure yourself by the number of close friends you have, you feel you’re falling short. Perhaps your desire to increase your friendship circle has more to do with how you feel about getting older than really wanting more names in your address book.
Over the years, it’s entirely natural that some friendships fade. sometimes it’s geography, sometimes circumstance, but it’s a very lucky friendship that can survive everything life throws at it.
Making new friends takes both time and effort. It’s great you tried to engage with colleagues but, as you’ve found out, you often need more in common than a shared place of work. Pursuing a hobby — especially something you’ve always promised yourself you’d try — is a good way to enjoy yourself, and perhaps friendships might follow. You can’t force it, of course, and you may not find a soulmate, but at least you’ll have fun. The other thing to bear in mind is that you may have overlooked some suitable candidates. I presume you and your husband have couples you see socially. If there’s someone with whom you feel comfortable and look forward to seeing, then she may well be a good companion for the occasional girls’ day — or night — out, minus your partners. You may not find everything you want from friendship all wrapped up in one person. You could well end up with some friends for fun, others for solace or soul-searching. Instead of brooding over what you perceive as a failure, congratulate yourself on being open to new possibilities and people. You have an optimistic belief that there are still friends out there you haven’t yet made. That’s a sure sign of a youthful attitude to life. Practise being a good friend to someone else by being kind and generous to yourself.
If you have a question for Janet, please email it to janetellis@dailymail.co.uk