Fiona Phillips
FIONA PHILLIPS, 56, is a television presenter best known for the ITV breakfast show GMTV Today. she lives in london with her husband, Martin, and sons, nathaniel, 18, and Mackenzie, 15.
THE SANDWICH YEARS ARE BRUTALLY HARD
STRESS had a massive impact on my life for a decade. When you’re going through it, you don’t have time to consider it. But I still have nightmares about it today.
I was in my 40s and I had two young boys. I was breastfeeding and getting up at 3.30am to do breakfast television — and I had two parents with Alzheimer’s who lived in Wales, a ten-hour round trip. I was trying to hold the family together as a classic sandwich woman.
My poor husband was brilliant, but I didn’t have time for him because I was busy doing everything else. It affected all aspects of my life, including the way I thought about myself. I was seriously depressed, but I didn’t recognise it.
For years after my parents died, I was haunted by the idea that I’d failed. I hated that my mother had needed to go into a care home. I’d cry all the way home with my children screaming in the car. But there was no alternative.
Looking back, I knew something was wrong with my mother the day I gave birth to my first son. I phoned to tell her and she just said: ‘Never mind.’
I was absolutely devastated. But now I realise she’d had dementia for a long time. Mum was young, in her 50s, and her symptoms were masked by the antidepressants she took.
And we didn’t realise my father was also in the early stages of dementia. I remember swearing at him when he’d got to the end of his tether with Mum and attacked her. the police were called. He shouted: ‘I’m ill, too.’ I so regret not understanding what was happening.
eventually, I resigned from GMTV. Life became calmer. Now I’m around for the kids and I don’t feel guilty all the time.
the trouble with trying to juggle lots of things is that you don’t do any of them well. I’ve learned that we must try to live in the moment.
Now, rather than feel overwhelmed, I work towards one task at a time and plan my day in slots. For example — 7am: get up, 8am: get the tube, then write a speech for Alzheimer’s Society (I’m an ambassador).
My message to women in the same situation is not to beat yourself up, you’re doing really well.