Agadoo doo doo - it’s the Glasto stage for me ...
10 Things You Didn’t Know About Politicians at Glastonbury
1) FOLLOWING Jeremy Corbyn’s triumphant appearance on the Pyramid Stage at Glastonbury this year, the Conservatives successfully argued for their own platform, in the interests of balance.
Accordingly, Conservative Defence Minister Michael Fallon took to the 3ft x 3ft Wendy Stage to address a crowd numbering anything up to seven people, including firebrand Chairman of Conservative Youth, Jacob Rees-Mogg.
2) to LOUD chants of ‘oh, Michael Fallon!’ from his special advisers, the Conservative icon leapt onstage dressed in his special Glastonbury ‘smart/casual’ wear of a floral cravat and beige safari suit.
3) ‘HELLO Glastonbury!’ he said. ‘As a lifelong fan of Black Lace, I’ve always loved pop music, especially if it has a catchy tune and a pleasant rhythm! So I’d ask you to join me now in saying Agadoo doo doo push pineapple shake the tree – agadoo doo doo strong and stable government under Theresa is for me!” ’
4) AFTERWARDS, Mr Fallon told Sky News reporter Kay Burley that he felt his speech had gone down well. ‘ Among the young at Glastonbury I was heartened to find a groundswell of support for a modest increase in student fees in line with inflation and a hard Brexit,’ he said. ‘And now I’m off to “get on down” to some of the latest sounds. You wouldn’t happen en to know where The New Seekers might be appearing, would you?’
5) Politicians have been going to Glastonbury since it started. In 1972, senior Conservative Willie Whitelaw wore a pin-striped kaftan to join Hawkwind onstage for a medley of the band’s classic hits. He even managed to sneak a mention of the government’s prices and incomes policy into the third verse of Silver Machine.
6) THE only Prime Minister ever to have played his own musical instrument onstage at Glastonbury was Labour’s James Callaghan in 1977. With a much-cherished trombone, he joined Somerset-based group The Wurzels on the Pyramid Stage for a rendition of I’ve Got A Brand New Combine Harvester.
‘ I have high hopes that my appearance will boost exports not just for combine harvesters but for all British farm machinery across the known world,’ he told the BBC’s Angela Rippon, as he came offstage in a T-shirt and tie.
7) THERESA May has only ever appeared twice at Glastonbury. The first time was in 2002, when she made a guest appearance with Garbage, belting out her bestselling version of The Nasty Party in her trademark skin-tight red jump-suit, tail and ‘devil’s horns’.
8) THIRTEEN years later, Mrs May softened her image, to appear with folk-rockers Steeleye Span in a floaty long dress, sharing lead vocal for a spirited rendition of All Around My Hat. To boost the fortunes of the Remain cause, she agreed with her colleagues to sing these revised lyrics:
‘And if anyone should ask me the reason why I’m wearing it,
It’s for the future of Britain in a united Europe.’
However, when she came to that section of the song, her voice could not be heard. Afterwards, her aides blamed this lapse on the faulty sound- system, but rumours continue to circulate that Mrs May had in fact stopped singing, and was just moving her lips in a covert fence-sitting exercise.
9) POLITICS at Glastonbury has long been a two-way exercise, with a number of musicians making theh reverse journey fromfr Glastonbury to Westminster.
Having heard Liberale Leader David SteelS address the Glastonbury crowd on the subject of pensionsp in 1980, festivalfe favourite ozzyo osbourne was moved join the party in 1981, rising to the positionp of Party Treasurer from 1983-87.
‘It was a change of direction for me,’ he acknowledged in his autobiography, ‘because they made me promise to refrain from biting the heads off live bats while addressing party conferences.’
10) IT’S ONLY a couple of days since Jeremy Corbyn addressed a 200,000-strong crowd at Glastonbury, but a host of other politicians is already jostling to perform at festivals throughout the summer.
Philip Hammond has secured a booking at Latitude, where he will be headlining in the Faraway Tent. Insiders suggest that the Chancellor of the Exchequer is lined up to perform a crowd-pleasing medley of his greatest hits, including If You’d Just Let Me Finish, Let’s Be Absolutely Clear About This and It’s Frankly Too Early to Say.
Meanwhile, Shadow Home Secretary Diane Abbott will be appearing at Reading Festival singing cover versions of The Beatles’ Eighteen Thousand Days A Week, Nena’s Nine Red Balloons and Lionel Richie’s Roughly Five And A Half Times A Lady, I’ve Got The Exact Statistics Here Somewhere If You’ll Just Hang on A Sec.