How to conduct war on a swarm of gnats

ON MY return home at the end of World War II, the town band decided to form a band. The Alderman Mayor found out that we could buy secondhand instruments and drums for £650. We then read in the Brass Band Weekly that another band had bought new uniforms and their old ones were going free. A local landlord, harry, who’d been a bugler in the Boer War, said that he’d be our bandmaster. Perfect! We played in the Castle Gardens, hertford, on Sundays and at the memorial on November 11. Later we were paid to play at fetes and special events. Once we received a booking to play at a private garden party on an estate several miles away. When we arrived, I noticed swarms of gnats over a river near the estate, and when the band started playing, the gnats rose over our conductor’s head in what looked like a giant halo. They were attracted to harry’s Brilliantine. harry was using his baton not just to conduct, but as a gnat swatter. The band tried not to giggle, but when they then found they couldn’t blow into their instruments. But in the end the gnats won and we stopped playing. I rushed to the mansion and asked if someone could try to find a tin of Flit. I ran back, told harry to close his eyes and sprayed over his head until the gnats were dead. I wonder if any other conductor has ever been in such an unusual or hilarious situation?

Bob hunt, Bengeo, hertford.