How to give a one-ton pet buffalo a wash — and it’s not in a bison!
Oh, give me a home where the buffalo roam, and the bears and the crocodiles play . . . hang on, that’s not right. Rancher Mike and his cowgirl val from Minnesota really do share their farmhouse with a buffalo. his name is Cody, he literally weighs a ton and he enjoys snuggling up on their leather couch, like a giant mutant labrador.
Technically, Cody is an American bison, but then he’s the size of ten men and he’s got horns like broadswords, so if he wants to be called a buffalo, it would be foolish to argue.
The horns do cause problems. he’s too wide to fit through the doorways, but clever Cody has worked out that by tipping his head on one side, he can squeeze through them.
This shaggy bull was one of the stars of Bear About The House (C4), about people with ginormous pets. The bear in question is called Stepan, and he lives in a cage near Moscow with former circus performers Yuri and Svetlana.
even though Stepan sits up to the table to eat breakfast, he’s hardly unique — a performing bear, who earns his keep with film roles and public appearances.
he seems well treated, but he’s a working animal.
Cody is different. he behaves like a spoiled spaniel, flopping down on the rug to have his ears tickled. it would be no surprise to discover that he sleeps on the end of Mike and val’s bed.
When he needs a bath, the couple take him to the car wash: Cody likes having his hooves jet-sprayed. And when they need a drink, which you would after washing a buffalo, he joins them at the town saloon.
But the weirdest thing, one which film- maker Ross haley didn’t explore nearly enough, is that Mike and val farm buffalo for a living. They beef them up and despatch them to the slaughterhouse.
Most of their animals are prime steak by the age of three. Cody is 13 years old and might live in luxury into his 20s.
That’s like Cruella de vil making a fur coat from 100 dalmatian puppies, and keeping the 101st as a lap-dog.
The documentary focused much more on the spurious notion that keeping exotic pets was deadly. The truth is, any animal can be dangerous if it isn’t properly cared for.
All the owners here seemed to know exactly what they were doing, though the woman in Melbourne, Australia, who keeps a 15ft saltwater crocodile under sunlamps in her spare bedroom, is clearly on the nutty side of eccentric.
Nothing wrong with that, of course. Where would we be without our fruitcakes? There’d be no British aristocracy, for a start.
Desmond MacCarthy, tweedclad custodian of Wiveton hall, is the loopy laird in Normal For Norfolk (BBC2), a sort of realityshow sitcom. in return, no doubt, for a small stipend, Desmond and his family bumble around their sprawling property, trying to keep the bank manager at bay with the income from a cafe.
This week, they went rat-hunting using a rifle with cumbersome night- sights — trust Desmond to waste money on electronic gadgets when a torch would do better. Then they uncovered a medieval well, a death-trap hidden under a couple of sheets of corrugated iron.
it’s undignified, chaotic and very funny. All our suspicions about the in-bred upper classes are confirmed by Desmond and his identical family portraits, each ancestor as barking-mad as the last.
Who needs a buffalo roaming the stately home when you have a squire?