The singing in the car thing: stop it

Daily Mail - - News -

JOe lawreNce is 17 and in his fi­nal year of a-lev­els. He lives with his par­ents Ju­lia, a writer, and John, a pro­ducer, and sis­ter lois, 20, in east Finch­ley, lon­don.

JOE SAYS:

1 I Don’T find it an­noy­ing that you’re ut­terly clue­less when it comes to down­load­ing a film onto the TV or con­fig­ur­ing a new mo­bile phone, it’s the fact you won’t even try to learn. You’re not stupid, but you de­lib­er­ately act like you are just so I will do it for you. gush­ing ‘what a clever lad’ I am doesn’t make it any bet­ter. 2When

you’re in ‘ host­ess mode’ you’re cringey. Your ac­cent changes, your voice goes up in pitch and you find ev­ery­thing your friends say really funny, even when it’s not. 3IT’S

really an­noy­ing how you act like cer­tain parts of the house and cer­tain bits of fur­ni­ture are yours. I don’t like be­ing or­dered off ‘your’ sofa like a dog. 4You

spend a for­tune on stuff for you, but we’re al­ways on a tight bud­get when you take me shop­ping. I know how much those goose-down, egyp­tian cot­ton pil­lows on your bed cost. But you say the lumpy old foam ones on my bed are ‘ab­so­lutely fine’. 5Your

home­made fish pie and liver and ba­con casserole are re­volt­ing. I’m not say­ing it to be an­noy­ing, I really don’t like them. And your pleas to ‘just try a lit­tle bit’ like I’m some stroppy tod­dler really gets on my wick. 6You’re

not the only one who works hard and who gets tired. A-lev­els are hard, and it’s really pa­tro­n­is­ing when you sneer ‘tough day?’ when I fin­ish col­lege at 3pm. 7WhY

do both you and Dad in­sist on tag­ging along when I’m go­ing into town? It’s (al­most) ac­cept­able to be seen on the Tube with one par­ent, but with both is plain em­bar­rass­ing.

8The

singing in the car thing. Stop it. It sounds like you stepped on the cat. 9When

my friends laugh at your jokes most of the time they’re just hu­mour­ing you. It’s really em­bar­rass­ing when you try and join in the ban­ter. My friends’ par­ents do it to me when I go round theirs, so I know what I’m talk­ing about. 10 Look­Ing over at my phone or lap­top and get­ting really sus­pi­cious when I won’t let you read stuff. It’s not dodgy; it’s pri­vate.

JU­LIA SAYS:

I Ac­Tu­ALLY thought Joe liked help­ing out his poor old Lud­dite mum with tech­nol­ogy. But ok, point taken, I prom­ise to pay at­ten­tion next time you load up a film for me.

But I’m sorry, my fish pie is to die for. I am not tak­ing culi­nary crit­i­cism from some­one who con­sid­ers a meal to be a Pot noo­dle with a boiled egg.

And the singing? I’ll do my best. But I can’t prom­ise.

in­ter­views by Ju­lia lawrence and Helen car­roll.

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