Am I right to reject these hellish guests?
DEAR BEL, I AM extremely lucky to own a comfortable home in a tourist destination. However, my income is limited and I economise — for example, minimal heating!
Each year, I have visitors to whom I offer delicious meals, large bedrooms and a warm welcome. Some give me a contribution; others don’t. And it’s all fine.
But one wealthy retired couple (I’m related to him) drive me insane. I’m not the sort to be brusque and outspoken, so they leave me silently fuming.
As they arrive, they deposit stuff all over my sitting room. They have the use of a large guest room which they trash, draping wet towels over my furniture and leaving watermark rings on the bedside tables. Once, the wife decided her husband was snoring too loudly, and moved into the second guest room — without asking.
My washing machine is used without a request and they leave lights on day and night. To say I have to bite my tongue from the moment of their arrival to that of their departure is an understatement! They make me physically exhausted and quivering mentally.
I once texted to ask if they’d be back for dinner after sightseeing. The curt reply was: ‘A light supper would be acceptable’!
Recently, I had the inevitable phone call. A fortnight before their proposed ten-day visit I received instructions. For the first time, I said ‘No’. Now I’m consumed by guilt and feel really uncomfortable for refusing their third holiday with me in a year.
My relation does discreetly leave me a contribution towards their stay — far less than the cost of a B&B. To be honest, I feel like an old family retainer and not like a family member opening her own home. Now communications have ceased. Am I wrong to be upset? How should I have played it?
ALICIA
You amaze me, you really do. The only conclusion I can draw is that you are a far, far, nicer person than I could ever hope to be. Please pause for a moment and think about all the lovely meals you have cooked for people, the bed linen you have changed, the electricity bills you have paid.
Your uncut letter leaves me in no doubt you love your home and offering hospitality equally. So stop this self-flagellation and remember all the delightful times you have shared in the special place you inhabit.
I know you recognise that you have been taken advantage of. Not many people would put up with repeated visits, with no consideration shown at all.
I am blessed with many friends, but can think of one couple only whom I love (I mean, really love) having to stay — and their maximum visit is always two or three nights. They are thoughtful, independent, reticent, fun, generous and the very best of friends… totally unlike this couple who have imposed themselves on you twice already this year.
It’s extraordinary to me they imagined for a second that they would be welcome across your threshold for the third time this year — for ten whole days!
To me the very suggestion shows a complete lack of empathy. Look, they get on your nerves, treat you badly, exploit your good will — so why on earth are you ‘upset’?
In your position I’d be opening a half bottle of fizz and toasting an escape from wet towels, untidiness, lights left on and high-handed behaviour.
I’d be giving thanks for escaping feeling like a poor ‘retainer.’ I think you ‘played it’ exactly right — thinking about your own needs for the first time and turning these people down.
You never know, it might do them a favour. They might have to exercise minds, imaginations and current accounts to think of new places, new experiences. So well done you!