Daily Mail

THE SHOW’S MOST SPARKLING FLIGHTS OF FANCY

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PAUL MERTON (on Cloud Nine): My hobby as a child was collecting clouds, and I would number them and keep them in my bedroom. My favourite undoubtedl­y was Cloud Nine. Eight, not so sure about . . .

PETER JONES (on Getting in a Flap): Beautiful country though this is, the weather — unlike Mr Freud — is not always clement.

KENNETH WILLIAMS (abusing Nicholas Parsons): A chairman? He ought to be in a bath-chair, that chairman! He’s an invalid! They wheel him in before the show. They give him an injection before he starts — Queen’s royal jelly, to get his adrenaline flowing!

DEREK NIMMO (on Video Games): I’d rather talk to Kenneth Williams than play video games, and that’s saying quite a great deal. LINDA SMITH (on The Angel of the North): One thing is for certain about the Angel of the North, it is definitely northern, because it is out there day and night, all weathers, freezing cold, and it hasn’t got a coat. In fact, not even a T-shirt. GRAHAM NORTON (on Sushi): Sushi is a sort of anti-food. Yes, they killed it, but then felt so guilty they didn’t want to cook it.

TIM RICE (on Creatures of the Deep): Having been handed a long-tenacled, fishy thing by a friend, I said: ‘What’s this?’

And he said: ‘It’s the sick squid I owe you!’

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