BUMBLE 0N THE TEST
YOU WIN NOTHING WITH KIDS
FOUR years ago, I was manager of the British media football team that won 3-2 against their Australian counterparts in Perth. But now I’m hearing they sacrificed all their experience and have just drawn 3-3. You win nothing with kids! You need old hands, which means a back four of Paul Newman, Scyld Berry, John Etheridge and Geoff Boycott (right). Apparently this lot were jumping up and down as if they’d won the Jules Rimet Trophy!
MIND YOUR LANGUAGE TIMOTHY
AFTER England finished the first day on 305 for four, I did wonder whether the Aussie sledging had been up to much. We keep hearing that saying things to batsmen gets wickets, so they obviously need to do a bit of work. Before the game, the Australian wicketkeeper Tim Paine (right) said the sledging was going to be brutal. And why wouldn’t you listen to a tough guy with a name like Timothy!
MALAN’S PERTH POWER
DAWID MALAN has shown glimpses of what he’s capable of, but that hundred on the first day proved how tough he really is. I said before the series that, in some ways, batting in Australia is easier than in England, because there’s less lateral movement, and Malan is a good back-foot player, so he was always going to be suited to Perth. That was a fabulous innings.
NOW LEAVE JONNY AT SIX
I STILL haven’t worked out who decided Jonny Bairstow (right) should bat at No 7 — or No 8 when there’s a nightwatchman, as at Adelaide. With him at No 6, they’ve got their line-up right — he’s utterly wasted otherwise. It also means Moeen Ali drops down to No 7, which suits him as he’s so good at batting with the tail. Why did it take England two Tests to work it out?!
THE WACA CHAT SHOW
THIS is the last Ashes Test at the WACA, and it’s a great shame because it’s a super venue, steeped in history. One of the things I’ve always enjoyed about the place is that you can walk to and from the ground. At the end of a day, you can fall in to step with the fans and hear all about their views. It felt like part of the community. The new ground across the Swan River has a lot to live up to.
SOME KEY BUYS FOR ROB
I’VE managed to get a couple of Christmas presents in the bag early on, but I hear Rob Key is struggling for something to buy his wife. I’ve pointed him in the right direction, especially with the recent weather, and suggested an easy-to-handle lightweight snow shovel and some anti-freeze (nicely wrapped). It never fails to go down well.