Cut down to size by the first Iron Lady

DURING the early Sixties, I was at school in East London. The head was the original Iron Lady. She insisted all pupils wear the correct uniform, and instilled in us great pride and good behaviour. Around this time, many pop groups sported long sideburns. Naturally, I wanted to copy them. My problem was I didn’t shave regularly. In any case, facial hair was discouraged in school. My clever solution was to gradually extend my sideburns by growing my hair. After two months or so, they had reached my earlobes. I thought they looked great. My downfall followed quite quickly. One day, I was wearing a white shirt with the faintest of blue stripes. Who would notice? By sheer bad luck, the fearsome headmistress saw me and exclaimed: ‘A striped shirt!’ (pronounced stri-ped) ‘Change it!’ ‘Yes, mam, sorry,’ I said. Just as I was about to walk away, she pointed to my sideburns. In her Lady Bracknell voice, she said: ‘Sideburns, exaggerations! Make sure they are gone by tomorrow.’ The following day, I was resplendent in a regulation white shirt and no sideburns. The head walked straight past me. I was back on the straight and narrow.

Don Townshend, Chelmsford, Essex.