If equality comes only at the cost of men, it’s not worth it

There has never been a better time to be a woman. We have a formidable female Prime Minister who was flanked on the front bench by two other women as she wiped the floor with her (male, pale and stale) opponent on Monday in the Commons.

Where once this would have seemed remarkable, now it’s the norm. Women in all walks of life are smashing glass ceilings, beating the men at their own game.

More and more girls are entering traditionally male- dominated fields, such as science, business and politics. And in the world of media and showbusiness, the seemingly unstoppable #MeToo movement has errant male behaviour on the run. In other words, it’s all a triumph for feminism.

Or is it? Because I can’t help sensing a slight sour taste in the mouth. A feeling that, for all those who benefit from this brave new feminist world (and I speak as one of them), there are plenty for whom the picture is not nearly so pretty. half the population, to be precise.

It was Zoe Ball, of all people, who put her finger on it.

Opening up for the first time about the suicide of her boyfriend Billy Yates, the radio 2 presenter spoke of the struggle he had encountered in getting help with his depression.

MOre tellingly, she added: ‘The number of young men killing themselves is shocking. Why? A lot of men I have spoken to have said it’s very confusing being a modern man. You want to be sensitive but also strong. You can’t win. It’s really hard trying to be both.’

What Zoe says is completely true. If I were a young man in today’s world I wouldn’t have the first clue what was required of me.

Say I am attracted to a young woman: how do I show my admiration without causing offence or, worse still, being accused of harassment? Should I pay for dinner, or is that an insult to her independence? Can I send her flowers, or does that constitute a sexist microaggression? No wonder the poor fellows are confused. No wonder they get frustrated and angry, or introverted and depressed.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not advocating a return to the Fifties. But while there seems to be endless help, praise and support for women in the modern world, there is very little focus — or interest — on where the male of the species fits in.

As the mother of a young boy, I see this clearly. Girls my son’s age are much more confident, clued-up, generally switched on. They feel valued and empowered in a way boys simply don’t. Because I love my son, I do not want him growing up in a world where his very gender puts him at a disadvantage.

And yet, clearly it does. The statistics speak for themselves: 76 per cent of all suicides in the UK are male. Fewer boys than girls now make it to university, and the gap is widening. The overwhelming majority of people sleeping on our streets (88 per cent) are male; 95 per cent of our prison population is male. Men have a 37 per cent higher chance of dying from cancer than women.

If all that doesn’t constitute a cry for help, I don’t know what does.

It’s time we listened to that desperate cry. We women have to help men find a renewed purpose in our more equal society. We have to appreciate that the qualities they bring are as valuable as our own. And just as women have agonised over things such as motherhood versus career, the national conversation now needs to turn to how men cope in a baffling world where nothing they do ever seems right.

If equality for women can be achieved only at the cost of damaged men, it’s not worth having. If in our eagerness to redress the balance, we only end up tipping the scales the other way, we will have become as bad as they were. And feminism’s victory will be a hollow one.