6 tips if you’ve REALLY had enough of him

Never use your divorce lawyer as a therapist

‘I AM much too expensive a shoulder to lean on,’ says Sandra Davis.

Divorce, at its core, she explains, ‘is a financial and commercial resolution where behaviour has no part to play in the outcome unless it relates to the children’. Who did what to whom during the marriage is not part of the negotiation. ‘Often you are your client’s biggest and only confidante, and you are fighting their corner,’ says Adele Pledger, who always keeps a box of tissues on her desk. ‘But I try to explain that it’s in their best interests to put the emotions to one side when thinking about money.’

Avoid signing a post-nuptial agreement

A POST-NUPTIAL is a contract signed during, rather than before, a couple’s marriage, which provides details on how the couple’s assets and property would be split in the event of them separating.

A husband wanting out of the marriage might suggest it under the guise of ‘ just regularising everything should we split up’ — and a wife, clinging to the wreckage of a marriage and wanting to keep him sweet, might agree.

‘ But the post- nup will determine what happens in the event of a divorce and you need to be careful not to be sold short,’ says Diana Parker.

Don’t use your children as pawns

‘THERE is often enough toxicity in the relationship. You don’t need to bring it down to the children,’ says Sandra Davis. ‘However small they are, they will sense exactly what’s going on and what you’re saying about their mother or father. If only for their benefit, try to keep the process dignified,’ says Davina Katz.

Save money by doing the legwork yourself

‘WHEN you meet a lawyer, bring your documents — accounts, budgets, statements — and send a summary of what the issues are. Try to focus on what’s important and be commercial,’ says Sandra Davis.

Be wary of doing a deal over the kitchen table

‘IT’S very difficult to negotiate your own deal,’ says Diana Parker. ‘People might say I would say that — but it doesn’t take much, maybe an hour or two of a lawyer’s time, to get some sense of what your entitlement might be before being tempted to try to cut a deal.’

What you wear to court is important

‘THE judge will be seated at a elevated level, looking down on you — and if you’re sitting there like some gilded painting, the judge may well form the view that you don’t need money,’ says Davina Katz.

So keep the palette neutral: no over-the-top jewellery, plunging necklines or shopping bags from Harrods.

‘For men it is still collar-andtie territory,’ says Diana Parker. The idea of ties, she explains, can be quite ‘strange’ for dotcom millionaires.

Sandra Davis suggests that mothers negotiating ‘children matters’ such as contact arrangements should wear ‘something soft, nothing too sharp with edges’.