Our marriage is suffering now we have young kids
I feel as if my husband isn’t attracted to me any more. We have a baby and a three-year-old, and our lives have been quite difficult recently, coping with bereavement and other big life events. Now we’ve come out the other side, I assumed things would settle down, but we just gripe at each other all the time. I’m totally exhausted looking after the kids and the house, and we just don’t spend any time doing fun things together. Our baby doesn’t sleep and although we do talk about the situation, things never seem to get any better and the next day we’re snapping at each other again. Unfortunately, we don’t have any family nearby to help to look after the kids and they are both very attached to me, so wouldn’t go to a childminder. What else can we do to make life easier and more enjoyable? Or do I just have to accept that this is what it’s like when you have a young family?
There’s no denying that having a young family is hard work, but you can make it easier on yourselves. One way of doing that is to have some downtime together, reconnect as a couple and feel rested and energised so you can go back and cope with looking after two very young kids. When it comes to leaving them with a sitter or childminder, yes, the first couple of times they’ll probably scream the house down when you leave, but they’ll quickly get used to it when they realise mum’s coming back. It’s good to get them used to being looked after by other people occasionally because they’ll be away from you when they start school. Obviously, it’s better for you if a relative or friend can look after the kids, but if your only option is a baby-sitter, then you have to consider it for the wellbeing of the whole family. You also mention bereavement and other lifechanging events – have you had help dealing with those things? Perhaps counselling might help. Try visiting cruse. org.uk. While it’s great that you and your husband can talk, you have to act on it. Why not take the first step and visit your family, leave the kids for a night and stay somewhere nearby so you’re close at hand? Good luck.
I’m exhausted and we gripe all the time