MY HUSBAND GETS SCARY WHEN DRUNK

Dear Coleen

My husband is a recovering alcoholic. He went into residential rehab for a month last year and has been doing so well. However, every now and then he will have a relapse and go out and end up very drunk. When this happens, he’s verbally aggressive and I get very anxious. He doesn’t remember the things he’s said or done the morning after. I don’t know how to handle these episodes and I get so frustrated with him. I know he has an illness, but we’ve spent so much on rehab and he’s lost his job through drinking. I don’t want to start resenting him, but I don’t know what to do for the best. Everything has been about him and how he’s doing, but I’m worn out. Can you help?

Coleen says

It’s very hard to be the partner of someone who’s an addict. It can be a very long road to recovery with many relapses and, sadly, some people never manage it. What’s positive here is that your husband accepts he has a problem (often the hardest step) and is willing to get help for it. Is he getting any ongoing support in the form of a sponsor and AA meetings or counselling? I think that could be a crucial lifeline. The truth is, there will always be that risk he’ll fall off the wagon – he could be sober for 10 years, then something will trigger a relapse. So, it’s very important that you look after yourself and have a plan for if he drinks again. Is there somewhere you can go until he sobers up? Make it clear that while you support his recovery 100%, you won’t stay and be abused if he’s been drinking. He needs to take responsibility for his drinking and the things he does when he’s drunk. I’d recommend contacting Al Anon, which runs family groups providing support to anyone who’s been affected by someone else’s drinking. To find a group near you visit al-anonuk.org.uk or call 020 7403 0888.