Cheating was so stupid ...now I want wife back

Dear Coleen

I’ve been married for 15 years and have two daughters with my wife. We were the perfect family and I was very happy. But a couple of years ago, I got into a flirtation with a work colleague, which eventually led to an affair.

I couldn’t handle the guilt and the lies, so I confessed and my wife threw me out. I moved in with my lover for a while, but soon realised we weren’t a match made in heaven and that I’d made a huge mistake.

I moved into a rented flat on my own and started texting my wife again, explaining how sorry I was and asking for another chance.

We met up a few times and things seemed to be going well – we even kissed and it felt like a first date.

But then last week she admitted she’d slept with another man. She says she’s not sure where things will end up with him, but she wants to find out.

I feel devastated and now realise how she must have felt when she found out I’d been cheating. I’m desperate to win her back and have told her she only needs to say the word and I’ll be there. I want her to know that I’ll do anything to have her back.

Coleen says

You’ve learnt a tough lesson – the grass isn’t always greener and an affair isn’t worth losing everything you hold dear.

I think as long as your wife knows how you feel, then you should back off and give her some time. You can’t just expect things to suddenly return to normal just because you want them to.

Tell her you want her back and are willing to move heaven and earth to achieve it, but that you realise the ball is in her court.

It’s hard to back off when you love someone, but you’ll still be in touch regarding arrangements for the kids, which will keep lines of communication open.

I think it’s possible for you to get back together, but it’ll take time and hard work to rebuild trust. If she does want to try again, then I’d recommend seeing a relationship counsellor to help you move forward (relate.org.uk).

I’d move heaven and earth to be with her again