Jason Beattie

HEAD OF POLITICS

My wife and I like to think we live in wedded harmony. But behind the loving smiles there is a bitter and never-ending battle taking place. Not even the UN’S finest could resolve this dispute. It’s over knick-knacks. The shelves are littered with porcelain figures, twee dolls and frankly disturbing souvenirs. And however many I hide, accidentally drop or put “in storage” others miraculously appear in their place.