I’M NOT CRUSHED BY SEXY FAILURE

I see I’ve been overlooked once again for the People magazine “Sexiest Man Alive” award. This year it’s gone to actor Michael B Jordan. I mean, he’s welcome to it to be honest, I don’t want to be demeaned and looked at like a piece of meat. I don’t want to be judged by my dashing good looks and knockout smile; I’ll leave that to him.

Instead I’ll stay safe in the knowledge that the closest I’ve ever come to any award based solely on my looks was 16th in the 2010 Heat Magazine “Weird Crush of the Year”. I was one place above Simon Cowell and only three places under Barry Scott, the bloke from the Cillit Bang adverts. Bang. And my pride is gone!