LOVING AUNT IS FEELING SIDELINED

Dear Coleen

I’m 33 and I stopped speaking to my mum when I was 19.

It’s a long story, but she was an alcoholic, and throughout my childhood my aunt – her older sister – stepped in and took care of me and my older brother.

My mum’s drinking got worse during my teenage years and eventually I cut off contact altogether.

My aunt has always been there for me. She’s been like a real mother and was on the top table at my wedding a few years ago.

However, I’ve always felt incredibly sad that my mum isn’t in my life, especially as I now have a two-year-old daughter and another baby on the way.

So recently I got back in touch with her and we’ve met up a few times. I told my aunt – who also hasn’t spoken to my mum for years – and she was really angry that I’ve made contact with her and even angrier that I’ve taken my little girl to meet her.

She says she feels it’s a slap in the face after everything she’s done for me.

I know she’s done a lot, but your mum’s your mum. How can I make my relationship better with my mum without losing my aunt?

Coleen says

I think your aunt is being a bit selfish. I sort of see where she’s coming from. I bet she felt very protective of you and your brother growing up and loved being a surrogate mum.

Now she’s a bit peeved that your mum – who shirked her responsibilities back then – seems to be swanning back into your life like nothing ever happened and getting all the glory of being a grandma.

But she must understand your need to have your mum in your life. If she’s still drinking, then of course I understand your aunt being worried.

However, if she’s sorted her life out, and you want to have her in your life, then your aunt should understand that.

Just keep telling your aunt that you love her and appreciate everything she’s done for you and it will never be forgotten.