WE’RE BUCKLING UNDER PRESSURE

Dear Coleen

I’m a 23-year-old man with a good job, and I’m well thought of in my company.

However, my work sometimes requires long hours, as well as call-outs once a month.

I’ve been with my partner for two years and we have a five-week-old son. She also has a five-year-old from a previous relationship.

Since the baby was born, my partner’s been nagging me over every little thing.

I’m working so hard at the moment, I barely have time for a shower.

I’ve tried telling her that I’m only working this hard so both kids can have a good life and everything they deserve, but she doesn’t understand. She thinks money grows on trees. I’m worried the relationship is at breaking point. Please help.

Coleen says

I feel for both of you – it’s a stressful situation with a new baby, a five-year-old and a demanding job that takes a lot of your time. And you’re still so young.

First of all, hats off to you for working hard to support your family – you sound like a great partner and father. I don’t think your girlfriend is just being a nag. I’m sure she’s exhausted because she’s working hard too in the home, and she probably not only misses your help, but the way you used to be as a couple before the baby came along.

Don’t let it divide you – you need to work together and do your best not to row. Try to see things from each other’s point of view and talk about ways you can support each other.

Are there any times that you could look after the kids and she can have a break?

What about asking grandparents to look after the kids so you can escape for a couple of hours together?

Sometimes that’s all it takes to feel better able to cope.