Tory mate? That’s so politically incorrect

THE problem with such a dramatic, complicated general election is that people are still talking about it weeks later.

That’s how it happened. A good friend of mine – someone I have known for years, and love, admire, respect and enjoy – revealed this week that she’d voted Tory. I was stunned. Speechless.

If this election result hadn’t been so discussable, there’s no way politics is a subject we would ever have been discussing. So this is yet another thing to be angry with Theresa May about.

The truth is, I didn’t want to know this about my mate. Because although in theory there’s no one decision she could make in 15 years of friendship that could change the way I feel about her – in reality, how can I be friends with a Conservative? I mean, at the very least, what if it’s catching?

I always thought there was a rule that you should never discuss politics or religion just because they’re boring, but this must actually be why. There are some answers to those questions that are simply unacceptable, and where do you go from there?

To save future friendships though, I think the list needs urgent additions. From now on you should never discuss politics, religion and... Jaffa Cakes It’s not whether you believe it’s a cake or a biscuit that we need to worry about, but whether you think this is an amusing/ interesting thing to discuss or not. Helpful hint: it’s not. The colour of That Dress We cannot agree on it – that’s literally the point of it. Will v Gareth Still tells you everything you need to know about a person’s true soul. Whether you’re really, really worried and upset about Camilla and Johnny, or not Either you are, or you don’t watch Love Island so GET OUT OF MY LIFE. Whether Carrie should have chosen Mr Big or Aidan Aidan.

Whether the loo roll flap goes under, or over Because it’s over, of course.

How you eat pears A friend offered me a pear at her house recently (yup, if I’m not discussing politics with my mates, we’re eating fruit – it’s a laugh a minute in my gang). She began to nibble hers in the manner of a corn on the cob. I started biting mine from the top downwards, in chunks. We stared at each other in horror. We were both sure ours was the normal, correct way.

Things just haven’t been the same since. Whether you’re Team Jennifer or Team Angelina YES, IT DOES STILL MATTER.

Your veganism I’ll annoy you by asking how you get your protein, you’ll annoy me by telling me – and by being vegan in the first place.

Ditto all food allergies/ ‘intolerances’. Grammar and punctuation Because you either think people who care that much about apostrophes are sad, or you know how to use apostrophes. Whether you really need to turn the car radio off when you park or not Obviously you do.

Mac or PC Because it’s Mac.

McDonald’s or Burger King Because it’s McDs.

Katy Perry or Taylor Swift Because it’s Swift.

Cat or Dog Because... TSK.

My friend nibbled hers like a corn on the cob