I FEEL GUILTY FOR SENDING PICS TO MEN

Dear Coleen

I sent pictures of myself to men for attention while in a relationship.

I did it because I thought it would soon be over between us because he was due to move to a different country. I guess I felt sad and alone, and it seemed like a good idea at the time to distract me and boost my confidence.

We’re still together and I told him what I did, and he forgave me, saying it was understandable due to my mindset at the time.

But why can’t I forgive myself? I know what I did was wrong and I have deleted my social media accounts, so it won’t happen ever again (nor do I want it to). I have so many intrusive thoughts that torment me, though. Please help.

Coleen says

It sounds like you’re giving yourself a very hard time over this.

I think you’ve blown it out of proportion. If he’s forgiven you, then give yourself a break and focus on your life together now.

You can’t do anything to change the past, but you can shape the future, so put your mind to that.

Perhaps you’re still feeling so guilty and ashamed because you still need some reassurance from him. Maybe deep down you wonder why he’s been so reasonable about it, so talk it out once more.

Explain how you felt at the time and why you did it, and ask him to be really honest about how he felt, too. But then put it behind you and don’t bring it up again.

I’m sure once a bit of time has passed, you’ll feel better about it and it won’t be such an issue. Hopefully your partner will continue to be grown up and will resist the temptation to use it against you in an argument.

If you both decide that you’re willing to move on, then that’s what you have to do.