MUM WON’T LEAVE ABUSIVE DAD

Dear Coleen

My dad has been hitting my mum since I was a baby. I’m now 17 and nothing has changed, except for his cheating – that’s fairly new.

My mum has confronted him about his relationships with other women and he always responds with violence.

One time they almost got divorced, but my mum took him back and I don’t know why.

Recently when he cheated and my mum confronted him, he hit her so hard her face was swollen and bruised. I couldn’t protect her because I wasn’t at home. When I did confront him, he hit me as well, giving me a black eye.

Now almost a year has passed since that incident, so I decided to take a look on his iPad. On his Messenger app there were lots of messages between him and a girl, who I think is at college, and he’s asking her to meet up with him.

I’m very confused about whether or not to tell my mum.

Coleen says I’m very sorry that you and your mum are in this terrible situation. Most people who have never been with a violent, controlling partner often say, ‘Why don’t you just leave?’ Well, it’s not that easy, actually. There are lots of reasons – your mum has probably lost so much selfesteem and confidence after years of abuse that she believes she can’t survive without him.

She might also feel ashamed, worried about money and probably very afraid for her safety and yours if she left. I would be worried about telling your mum what you’ve found out because it’s likely to provoke a confrontation and she might end up getting hurt again.

But I do think you should start talking to her about leaving.

There’s lots of information and support out there – try the The National Domestic Violence Helpline (0808 2000 247), Refuge (refuge.org.uk) and Women’s Aid (womensaid. org.uk).