Paranoid ex is punishing me for ending marriage
Dear Coleen
I recently split up with my partner of 10 years. We have two children together. For the past three years we have just co-existed in the same house.
He became increasingly hostile and paranoid, which pushed me away and I began talking to other men and women online.
Finally, I made the leap to officially separate and asked him to leave. I felt very low and found comfort with another guy and we quickly became close following my break-up.
My problem now is that my ex is being a nightmare. He’s almost harassing me by getting involved in my life, refusing to co-operate when it comes to sorting out our joint affairs, such as bank accounts. He is basically playing games.
He has also made me out to be the bad one for moving on with someone else and is using the children as a block to me getting on with my new life. He blames me 100% for our marriage ending, but I couldn’t live with his depression and paranoid behaviour any longer.
I’m at my wits’ end and feel he’s got me over a barrel and is using his depression as an excuse.
Coleen says
Well, it’s never right to use children as weapons or bargaining tools in a break-up.
He thinks he’s punishing you, but he’s really punishing his kids and you ought to remind him of that. If you can’t get through to your ex, then find someone who’s close to him and ask them to talk to him about it.
As parents, you need to put the wellbeing of your children at the top of the list and do the best you can to keep their lives and routine as normal as possible.
Your ex is obviously hurting right now and he’s lashing out in any way he can – hence dragging his heels over bank accounts and so on.
He probably had hopes that you’d get back together and can’t accept you’ve moved on. If you can’t resolve things between yourselves, then I’d suggest mediation, which can help sort out arrangements for children as well as finance.
For many, the service is paid for through legal aid, but for more information and to find a local mediator, visit the Family Mediation Council ( familymediationcouncil.org.uk).